> a hollowed man with dreams of yesterdays

/i am reminded of an old buddhist belief that when a person commits suicide, he/she will be punished in the afterlife by reliving that singular moment over and over and over again for all eternity, without knowing or remembering. in a perverse way, sorta like the movie groundhogday (but with no reprieve). i don't want to feel like that. of coz the parrallel of my life is hardly sufficiant to warrant that inane statment (i hit myself for being that foolish) and i tell myself that i am but wallowing in this emotional upheaval becoz i chose to wallow in it (but sometimes it's not ever your choice is it? to feel the way you do) and i am reminded that yesterday's (12th April) was the birthday of a fren who had leaped to her death just near four months ago and i feel saddened all over again.

Happy Belated Birthday, Vicki. may you have a reprieve on the day of your birthday. and i apologize for forgetting.