> deadweight
this word just poppedup between a conversation with myself and my sis just. t'was in reference to the lack of new journals and entries in my multiply, for which i explained my both my altruistic and selfish reasons (which i dun think im gonna repeat - i've gone on waytoomuch about it here already, right?) and that no one gives a shitte on multiply anyways, least of all my "personal friends", with the exception of a few personal gems, for which i love them for dearly ... either that or they dunno how to handle / relate to me. fair enuff. so yes, the journals are there for fluff and bwahaha's. the photos are there to whore myself inexplicably, no doubt about that. and that's about it, really! most people want byte-sized-entertainment anyways, and multiply is a onlinefastfoodjoint like no other, innit? :)
so even if i have new posts = most everybody has nothing to say. tho not as if they did on other peep's site/entries anyways. for i guess, in the end all multiply CAN do (in my instance anyways) is to somehow (tho very vaguely), keep "each other" connected. but thru a 10inchthick glasswindow we shall be. with only a wee hole in the wall for talking thru. funny that. like a sick pantomine enacted within the confines of the screen in front of you - and you think that's what the person's life is all about? you "read" alla his/her words and ya see the pictures and you think you KNOW who that person is? heh. and maybe that's ALL ya need to know? that's all ya WANNA know? ... maybe, maybe not, innit?
and my current onlinepersona in your gildedglasscage is: The Deadly Laughing Clown. dun feed me, just throw cash. heh. ... whatevera lah, huh? HAH ;p
only a few regulars ever bother to reply. and i dun mean nice purdy "oh your work is wonderful"~ words, mind you. but at least a pseudo-conversation, ya know? some fcuking feedback for fcuk'sake, innit? heh ... and quite a few do spur me on to create and explore other facets of my "creations/offerings". and i like that. i actually enjoy that. i really do. much like when i was on toyforumboards, where sometimes there was a sense of "competition" amongst each other - where one spurs the other on and we even had a few group-participation events. which were all great and a chance to all slog it out for a singular cause. and have fcuking FUN while we're at it, innit? if not, then why the fcuk to do it for? FOR MONEY? fcuk! we do that everysingleworkingday of our life already, dun we? ... well, most of you lot anyways ... heheheheheh ... ;p
had tried to do it also in my multiply, but to a fcuking dismal result. truly. tho t'was great to meet other fellows, the "event" itself bore small fruit. tho not bitter, for there were results, just wished it was more to this, ya know? or maybe im just impatient ahahahaha. t'would be another longtime before i initiate anything like this again ... or at least when i find enuff $$$ to support myself first, yah? hahaha ~ anybody other there game?
heh. ... figured ... ;p
or maybe my expectations are way too high? perhaps i too expect too much of other people? of friends? and NOT just MYSELF? nothing wrong i suppose, tho i should regulate my judgements about them and their actions/inactions, innit? hahaha - but im just being tyrannical as usual lah ... heh. am i?
some might say maybe i've not met "true friends" yet ... or maybe in the end im out seeking "kindreds" of varying degrees instead. people who share my passion for design. my passion for toys. passion for comics. passion for celluloid. passion for amateur photography ... and maybe all these people are distinct from each other? not one person having more than one or two of these passions at the same instance? = hang around for drinks and talk cock can, but go to an exhibition together? = cannot ... watch movies and make lottsa noise together is cool, but stepping into a comicshop = cannot? even listening to music - enjoy rock music together but trying japanese pop = cannot? different strokes for different folks but of coz ... and tis funny how i fell in love with someone having more than fit the description and passions, but mayhaps i "didn't fit into her life" as much as i thought she could mine?
mysteries abound when strangers or another human being "connect" = be it temporarily or permanently, we might never know for certain, but for the connection to happen in the first place, its' all about the FIT, innit? ~ astounds me even til now ... hhhmmm ... but of coz im digressing waywayway off course lah ... heh
anyways, in the end of it all, i had a plan. a dubious plan that might or might not happen. a drastic plan. at a certain premeditated time, i would judge and decide to eradicate certain peeps from my network in my multiply. losing dead weight, as they say. which ironically is not as evil as anybody might think. for we do that in real life, dun we? friends whom we've not kept in contact for the longest time, which we've decided to erase from our mobile-lists? from our emails? for if they were to be in constant contact, we wouldn't be doing that in the first place innit? the same for ex-lovers and ex-best buddies. something's sure to have happened, good or bad and they've all but left us cold and silent. and what do we do? what can we do? drop it and move on, innit? all fair, innit? of coz im generalizing, but in the end, what else can we do? how much "benefit of the doubt" do we lay unto others, for others might have laid unto us? hahaha endless meandering questions with nary an answer lah ... but ask for sake of asking, can? MUAHAHAHAHA ;p
or the reality being, maybe i myself have become a dead weight to others? someone who exists and yet does not? someone who's all over the web but doesn't pickup the phone to call others to say "hi"? well, that's who i am tho. that's who i've been all these years. heh. and maybe that's why i've been losing friends left right and centre? ... then a deadwweight i had been, obviously to many already ... so maybe itz time to lose some of my own "weight" and float back onto the surface, innit? before i lose myself completely in the murky depths ... just wish sometimes i didnt havetabe doing it alone ... heh ... *glub-glub* :)
so even if i have new posts = most everybody has nothing to say. tho not as if they did on other peep's site/entries anyways. for i guess, in the end all multiply CAN do (in my instance anyways) is to somehow (tho very vaguely), keep "each other" connected. but thru a 10inchthick glasswindow we shall be. with only a wee hole in the wall for talking thru. funny that. like a sick pantomine enacted within the confines of the screen in front of you - and you think that's what the person's life is all about? you "read" alla his/her words and ya see the pictures and you think you KNOW who that person is? heh. and maybe that's ALL ya need to know? that's all ya WANNA know? ... maybe, maybe not, innit?
and my current onlinepersona in your gildedglasscage is: The Deadly Laughing Clown. dun feed me, just throw cash. heh. ... whatevera lah, huh? HAH ;p
only a few regulars ever bother to reply. and i dun mean nice purdy "oh your work is wonderful"~ words, mind you. but at least a pseudo-conversation, ya know? some fcuking feedback for fcuk'sake, innit? heh ... and quite a few do spur me on to create and explore other facets of my "creations/offerings". and i like that. i actually enjoy that. i really do. much like when i was on toyforumboards, where sometimes there was a sense of "competition" amongst each other - where one spurs the other on and we even had a few group-participation events. which were all great and a chance to all slog it out for a singular cause. and have fcuking FUN while we're at it, innit? if not, then why the fcuk to do it for? FOR MONEY? fcuk! we do that everysingleworkingday of our life already, dun we? ... well, most of you lot anyways ... heheheheheh ... ;p
had tried to do it also in my multiply, but to a fcuking dismal result. truly. tho t'was great to meet other fellows, the "event" itself bore small fruit. tho not bitter, for there were results, just wished it was more to this, ya know? or maybe im just impatient ahahahaha. t'would be another longtime before i initiate anything like this again ... or at least when i find enuff $$$ to support myself first, yah? hahaha ~ anybody other there game?
heh. ... figured ... ;p
or maybe my expectations are way too high? perhaps i too expect too much of other people? of friends? and NOT just MYSELF? nothing wrong i suppose, tho i should regulate my judgements about them and their actions/inactions, innit? hahaha - but im just being tyrannical as usual lah ... heh. am i?
some might say maybe i've not met "true friends" yet ... or maybe in the end im out seeking "kindreds" of varying degrees instead. people who share my passion for design. my passion for toys. passion for comics. passion for celluloid. passion for amateur photography ... and maybe all these people are distinct from each other? not one person having more than one or two of these passions at the same instance? = hang around for drinks and talk cock can, but go to an exhibition together? = cannot ... watch movies and make lottsa noise together is cool, but stepping into a comicshop = cannot? even listening to music - enjoy rock music together but trying japanese pop = cannot? different strokes for different folks but of coz ... and tis funny how i fell in love with someone having more than fit the description and passions, but mayhaps i "didn't fit into her life" as much as i thought she could mine?
mysteries abound when strangers or another human being "connect" = be it temporarily or permanently, we might never know for certain, but for the connection to happen in the first place, its' all about the FIT, innit? ~ astounds me even til now ... hhhmmm ... but of coz im digressing waywayway off course lah ... heh
anyways, in the end of it all, i had a plan. a dubious plan that might or might not happen. a drastic plan. at a certain premeditated time, i would judge and decide to eradicate certain peeps from my network in my multiply. losing dead weight, as they say. which ironically is not as evil as anybody might think. for we do that in real life, dun we? friends whom we've not kept in contact for the longest time, which we've decided to erase from our mobile-lists? from our emails? for if they were to be in constant contact, we wouldn't be doing that in the first place innit? the same for ex-lovers and ex-best buddies. something's sure to have happened, good or bad and they've all but left us cold and silent. and what do we do? what can we do? drop it and move on, innit? all fair, innit? of coz im generalizing, but in the end, what else can we do? how much "benefit of the doubt" do we lay unto others, for others might have laid unto us? hahaha endless meandering questions with nary an answer lah ... but ask for sake of asking, can? MUAHAHAHAHA ;p
or the reality being, maybe i myself have become a dead weight to others? someone who exists and yet does not? someone who's all over the web but doesn't pickup the phone to call others to say "hi"? well, that's who i am tho. that's who i've been all these years. heh. and maybe that's why i've been losing friends left right and centre? ... then a deadwweight i had been, obviously to many already ... so maybe itz time to lose some of my own "weight" and float back onto the surface, innit? before i lose myself completely in the murky depths ... just wish sometimes i didnt havetabe doing it alone ... heh ... *glub-glub* :)
