> dreaminglife
i wish i could remember all my dreams sometimes. the good and the bad. the happy and the sad ones. i have always been fascinated with dreams and of what secrets they hold. an extension and manifestation of your subconscious mind and desires? or a future unravelling before you? a prophecy revealed? the real "truth" in your mind? fascinating, fascinating ... i've remembered fantastic dreams. surreal dreams. dreams filled with sadness and loss. dreams of hate and anger. darkdreams. dreams of war and carnage. dreams of carnal desires. and sometimes dreams where you know you are dreaming, but can do nothing about it ... and even sometimes you know and can do what you want = porno-dreams like these are the best! i deny it not ... and you enact your every sexualfantasy with nary any consequence nor guilt ... all this makes sleeping and dream a delight most times, im sure ... most times ... but i'd rather be able to dream about anything, rather than just closing your eyes one moment and opening them up the next to find out your dreamslumber had passed. and tho dreaming makes me more tired than a night's peaceful respite, i'd rather relish in the images then just wallow in black. heh.
tho my recent dreams have boggled me to no end. filled with fullstories. with little emotion within. where instead of "watching", i am "living it" tho not much emotion had transpired ... i had a dream this recent sleep ...
~ z ~
i was on a trip. a planned trip to a faraway place, for a longtime. i was due at the airport in a day's time. but i decided to go to the countryside for a night. to visit a friend who operated a hostel and a provisionstore selling dodgey flaky moulded-plastic and rubber "toys". that parodied the realworld. like; a broken half-boiled-egg wif bright yellwo yolks made of wobbly-rubber. a green~crab within a cracked egg of plastic. rows and rows of dusty fauxfood, on greentinged woodenshelves, lined against greentinged and white wooden panelled walls. a kampongshop it was. with stacks and dismal stacks of run-down-toys for sale. but somehow i enjoyed being there. an unmistakable sense of nostalgia and belonging somehow. and i hold the brokendowntoys in disgust and with lovingcare.
but on the otherside of his shop, was a fullheight darkwoodenshelf, with a coupla shelves designated to display "designer toys". all softplush figures with designed and drawn outerfabric, in shades of darkgrey and white. i remember vaguely the shapes and design (but is hardpressed to draw it out now, dammit). nevertheless, they were much coverted items. but the shopowner was nowhere in sight. i took in my hands, three fullsized 14inch~figures and two miniature 6inch~tall ones and waited at his desk for him to come, to ask him the prices.
an evil thought overtook me. i suddenly shoved the 2 smaller toys inside of my canvas bag, deep inside. nobody was around. how would he know, right? he wouldn't even know they were gone, i thot to myself ... and i left a message on his desk, asking for prices for the bigger toys instead. and i retired to my hostelroom (which he ran as well).
wakingup the nextmorning to a bathtub of steaming water, i marvelled at the panoramic view outside my room. t'was a rundown kampongstyled hostel with exceptionally large windows. and the outside was just sunshine-filled fields of lush green. the air was fresh and i felt i had a goodrest before i leave for the airport. before i leave for good.
walkingout into the shop again, my friend was still nowhere to be found. but instead on his desk laid a lil "booklet", with my name on it. like a lil "reportcard" indicating how much i have spent so far since i've ever been to his shop and how much i still owed him. and in it where the cost of the two items i had stolen the evening prior. i had thought he wouldn't notice. but he did. without confronting me, he just left the prices behind. i turn my head and can see him outside in the garden, playing with his kid. i stare at the booklet for the longest. everything was written in mandarin. i couldn't read them but i understood them. i am both shocked and touched.
realizing i couldnot afford the toys at all, i put the two small figures back. seemed they cost about $100+ each. and the taller ones were going for between $400-$600+. ("designer toys" what!) and i left a hastily written note on a small recycledpaper notepad thanking him and that i was leaving already. and for him to take care.
and with that i went back into my room to bath and change. and i left.
~ z ~
there was muchmore happening prior to the dream mentioned above. and im sure there was something else after that too, something about my in white shirt or black teeshirt. too vague to recall. but these images and story stayed with me when i awoke and still seems fresh even when i relate this now ... and i wish somethimes we would remember the dreams longer ...
funny how some dreams you'd remember very clearly, while others slip by the cracks. why is that? selective recall? is there something we are supposed to learn from alla this? is something/someone trying to tell us something? why remember some and forget the rest? anything significant about the dreams? do each and every image, emotion and happening parallel that of the wakingworld? or as most say, is the opposite of your wakinglife? a metaphoric journey thru your mind and life? ... so many questions, but with too few books of dream-deduction to be read ... heh ... but maybe sometimes you'd not want to know what they (might) mean anyway, do you? and mayhap some things you're not supposed to know ... just maybe ... :)
tho my recent dreams have boggled me to no end. filled with fullstories. with little emotion within. where instead of "watching", i am "living it" tho not much emotion had transpired ... i had a dream this recent sleep ...
~ z ~
i was on a trip. a planned trip to a faraway place, for a longtime. i was due at the airport in a day's time. but i decided to go to the countryside for a night. to visit a friend who operated a hostel and a provisionstore selling dodgey flaky moulded-plastic and rubber "toys". that parodied the realworld. like; a broken half-boiled-egg wif bright yellwo yolks made of wobbly-rubber. a green~crab within a cracked egg of plastic. rows and rows of dusty fauxfood, on greentinged woodenshelves, lined against greentinged and white wooden panelled walls. a kampongshop it was. with stacks and dismal stacks of run-down-toys for sale. but somehow i enjoyed being there. an unmistakable sense of nostalgia and belonging somehow. and i hold the brokendowntoys in disgust and with lovingcare.
but on the otherside of his shop, was a fullheight darkwoodenshelf, with a coupla shelves designated to display "designer toys". all softplush figures with designed and drawn outerfabric, in shades of darkgrey and white. i remember vaguely the shapes and design (but is hardpressed to draw it out now, dammit). nevertheless, they were much coverted items. but the shopowner was nowhere in sight. i took in my hands, three fullsized 14inch~figures and two miniature 6inch~tall ones and waited at his desk for him to come, to ask him the prices.
an evil thought overtook me. i suddenly shoved the 2 smaller toys inside of my canvas bag, deep inside. nobody was around. how would he know, right? he wouldn't even know they were gone, i thot to myself ... and i left a message on his desk, asking for prices for the bigger toys instead. and i retired to my hostelroom (which he ran as well).
wakingup the nextmorning to a bathtub of steaming water, i marvelled at the panoramic view outside my room. t'was a rundown kampongstyled hostel with exceptionally large windows. and the outside was just sunshine-filled fields of lush green. the air was fresh and i felt i had a goodrest before i leave for the airport. before i leave for good.
walkingout into the shop again, my friend was still nowhere to be found. but instead on his desk laid a lil "booklet", with my name on it. like a lil "reportcard" indicating how much i have spent so far since i've ever been to his shop and how much i still owed him. and in it where the cost of the two items i had stolen the evening prior. i had thought he wouldn't notice. but he did. without confronting me, he just left the prices behind. i turn my head and can see him outside in the garden, playing with his kid. i stare at the booklet for the longest. everything was written in mandarin. i couldn't read them but i understood them. i am both shocked and touched.
realizing i couldnot afford the toys at all, i put the two small figures back. seemed they cost about $100+ each. and the taller ones were going for between $400-$600+. ("designer toys" what!) and i left a hastily written note on a small recycledpaper notepad thanking him and that i was leaving already. and for him to take care.
and with that i went back into my room to bath and change. and i left.
~ z ~
there was muchmore happening prior to the dream mentioned above. and im sure there was something else after that too, something about my in white shirt or black teeshirt. too vague to recall. but these images and story stayed with me when i awoke and still seems fresh even when i relate this now ... and i wish somethimes we would remember the dreams longer ...
funny how some dreams you'd remember very clearly, while others slip by the cracks. why is that? selective recall? is there something we are supposed to learn from alla this? is something/someone trying to tell us something? why remember some and forget the rest? anything significant about the dreams? do each and every image, emotion and happening parallel that of the wakingworld? or as most say, is the opposite of your wakinglife? a metaphoric journey thru your mind and life? ... so many questions, but with too few books of dream-deduction to be read ... heh ... but maybe sometimes you'd not want to know what they (might) mean anyway, do you? and mayhap some things you're not supposed to know ... just maybe ... :)
