> voices
i can't seem to stop the "voices" in my head (cue opening tune of The Twilight Zone) ... multiple-voices; each clamouring to be heard, to have "their say" ... a mixed sensation of whispers and shouts (tho inevitably, ALL end up shouting lah) ... "I WANNA DO THIS!" ... "I WANNA DO IT FIRST!" ... "MY TURN MY TURN!" ... "NO, MINE! MINE!" ... "SHUT UP YA CUNT!" ... "NO! YOU SHUT UP MUTHAFCUKERSLUTWHORE!" (ya think im exaggerating, aren't ya? wouldn't you liketa know? heh) ... and the words trail-on so until after the decibel-overload; they become a faint whisper into the thy weary subconcious-mess they go ... *fizzle-fizzle-POOF* ... and they're gone ... forgotten ... but not for long ...
at least sometimes "they" take their turns; like good little "demons" should ... tho tis not helping me much with my concentration on my tasks at hand (thank GAWD they're personal projects and not a paying job) ... an eternal relentless torrent of thoughts and words; swirling around like a madcap stephen chow comedy, most times making no sense at all whatsoever, tho the ones who did ~ end up being trite and nonsensical anyways (tho maybe stephen chow movies ain't exactly a great metaphor, but tis 430am and that was the first thing that oozed out of my turbulantmind, so there) ... nahbey.
... had wanted to write something about conventions and my experiences with them ... wanted to write an overdue account of my experience with meeting neil gaiman ... and even something about my "darkside" (heh) ... but nothing gets thru in the end ... to be fair, i've started them but i've not seemed to be able to get past the 1st or 2nd paras ... "everythings" shouting to have their say, "everyone" wants to be purged and be purged soonest ... dammit.
read a blogentry here (with full bleedin' jealousy of olkgal, becoz i missed it all >:@) ... neil gaiman's "advice":
"Finish what you write cos if keep it in the drawers unfinished... elves are not coming in the middle of the night to help you finish it... no matter how much food you leave outside."
i will so go down on my knees for neil gaiman! (and of coz that came out sounding so fcuking wrong, innit? YA PERVS!) ... did i say i was so gawddamned envious of olkgal? *sigh-a-deep-regret* ... tho if i were to believe about the "good" and "bad" writing days; i sure as hell's experiencing the baaaaaad-ones now, innit? BAH
and the demons are but excuses in the end and tho the truth that may be, i have nary the strength and inner-fortitude to quash the mental-ailments that plague me so ... seems im weaker than i had expected myself to be ... and a sad state of my online affairs it had left me ... or maybe it's just that im spending too much time on the bleedin' web and not getting on with my own "real life"? i deny not the "possibility" ... tho being deadbroke doesn't help the situation, innit? bugger that ... but what else do i have on? (*PHWAH* that's another entry i can drone on about! nahbey)
and all i end up doing is whining and complain ALL OVER AGAIN! *sigh* ... and all my inner calm and retrospectiveness has gone to hades ... fcuk.
... and im left with is an entry that is basically a
as if ya care, innit? HAH.
