> 12,000

as i clicked unto my hit-counter, the number that flashed across the screen shocked me into silence - overnight, as i slept; 12,000 new hits had been recordered on my blog ... WAHLANEH!

and then i woke up ...

i hate surreal moments like that ... that state of mid-consciousness; a walking limbo between the dream world and the harsh "real world" ... laid in my bed for but a few moments, staring at whatever was in front of me, body weary from sleep (yes, that is possible, and will be another entry for another time) and frozen in mid-fetal position - trying to determine whether it was i was still asleep or awake ... and like a hi-fi with the volume-knob slowly being turned-up; the sounds of kids screaming and shouting got louder and louder - yes, i was awake now. (there is a primary school just across my flat/bedroom. *urghz*)

and of coz the first time i did was to log on to check my hit counter lah!

and of coz it did not register 12,000 hits lah! heh. if my dreams so accurate ah; i would've stuck gold with my 4D numbers, a pile of free toys, stacks of comics and a nekid babe lying by my side when i awoke lor ... nahbey ... heh :p

then one exhalation came into mind: * phew *

but what IF i did indeed register 12,000 hits?

by whatever means or ways, it matters not at this point in time ... but what will matter is who are these peeps that had come unto my blog? and if it's friends; folks that i actually know personnally, than tis what they might say that'll bug me to shitte ...

"wahlaoeh! so this is your site ah? hahahaha"


"kanina, so this is where you've been hiding ah! wahahahahaha"


"wahlaneh, not bad ah? you orso blog ah?"


"you think can hide from us ah? too bad i found you lieow!"


it'll be not so much that they've "found me" (or maybe it is?) but rather the tone in which i hear-in-my-mind, of how folks will/might react when they read my shitte (and of coz there will be exceptions lah! am not implying all like that lor ;p) ... ya know the sort where one eyebrow is raised, with a cheeky grin and/or smirk? accompanied with a high-pitched (or low, whatever) "cackle"? ... and the tone is what we term "suan-xiao" (making light of/ making fun of) ... and i'd hate that so.

i have a diverse group of peeps i know. mostly from work, ironically. school-frens have basically all upped and disappeared from my life tho ... ALL ... and i rarely know of anyone else that spews their life online "blog" ... only a handful (which i lurk on their sites often nyeknyek ) ... and of coz my fellow toy collectors and comicbook nuts ... and that's about it really ... and i can count on one hand, how many know of this blog ... and only 3 of them actually read this drivel-of-a-blog ... heh ... my small little network ;p

last thing i wanna be, is if im some sort of "new entertainment" to my friends (but of coz i'll end up being anyways lah) ... as moody and grumpy as i on set/project, a joker a clown and kidder am i in leisure-times ... and mayhap peeps just take that for granted most times (i feel) ... perhaps this stems (in a large part) to my bygone days of school; when i was a clown ... and henceforth i'd always sorta remain that clown to many and unfortunately would be judged as such ... mayhap not now, but the scars from "that lifetime ago" lingers somewhat still, somehow ... but that'll be another entry for another time too ... heh :p


but of coz, on "good" days, i'd still be a clown lah ... why be a moody-basturd all my life, innit? HAH. and please keep wittle kids away from a clown with a beard ... might scar them for life lor muahahahahahah BAH ;p

and if you're wondering where all this is gonna lead ...? dun bother, coz i sure as heck dunno either! MUAHAHAHAHAHA ... aiyah, since i logged-on might as well ramble a bit more, right? my blog, what!? heh.

* 12,000 hits? *

* shudder *

time to log-off, wash-up, grab lunch and go to work ... dammit ;p
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