> a cheeky man was i?
9pm and my sunday is basically near an end. slept til near 3ish and by the time i was "ready" for action, t'was near 5+. and that's about it. didn't leave the house. didn't leave my tomb of sanctuary either. only thing i did was to go out and buy meself somemore ciggies and a bottle of cheeky cherryade as a treat for meself. hahaha an insane thot went thru my brain: mayhaps i was trying to find back my "cheekiness"? hahaha my charm (if ever there was one) has left me and mayhaps little by little im trying to find back all that i was. little by little. im so drained that if i dared look into the mirror and really see, i'd find that i've lost myself the past coupla weeks (or mayhaps even more?). i have stopped looking. if only to brush my decayedteeth and to trim my pathetic moustache-that-doesn't-join-in-the-middle. heh. a wretched man is i. and i am angry. i am angry about that.
and also realize and accept that im an html-idiot! heh. spent the better part of the afternoon/evening trying to re-do my blogspot. but to no avail. trying to figure out the htmlsettings by trial and error had gotten me near nowhere. and im right back at where i've started. quite farnie this. the metaphors in life are so frighteningly similar. had wanted to upload links to some of my fav sites, as well as linkup some of my peeps like Mia-B's and Ah9's blogs. and even the few other blogs that i haunt daily. will just haveta try harder innit? or to temper my patience with resolve and conviction. mayhaps that's what i've lost as well, a part of me that has survived me for so long.
still feeling the metaphoric-laden-dream in the late morning and an emotional rollercoaster phonecall. the former which i've forgotten the story (tho the mood still lingers) and the latter keeping my mind busy for the duration. im careful to not "overthink" too much, as my mind has not been my own recently. but we trudge on. we move inch by miniscule inch and we trudge on.
a digression on what was in the news today. read about some dood in the US, a scholar with his blog being in the fray of public opinion and controversy. apparently he had racist remarks splattered in his blog. and for that he was being held accountable for it. the public outcry made him retract his entry and posted an apology afters. now, i've not read the blog and i dun really care about what's going on there. but to me, the underlying tone and situation is a wee bit alarming. yes, we have to be responsible in our entries and what we talk about, and in the end we are to face any and all consequences. true that. the irony being that it was (as so claimed) that it was a private blog. even tho it was in a public domian? and we are censored wherever we may be? by using words like muthafcuker and FUCK have i too been heaping abuse unintentionally on my readers? have i too offended anyone? should i keep alla my thoughts and feelings to myself then? then why the need for a blog in the first place? to pour out all of our brainmatter? might as well be an online diary/journal then! talking about mundane things like what i did today. or what i want to do etc... the same for the reply (which i have since removed) on my previous entries, insulting me and telling me what to do? FUCKTHATSHITTE! as my header says, if ya dun like what ya read? FCUKOFF. simple. if it insults your senses and wellbeing, GOAWAY. go surf some other porn you think is justifiyable or do some online shopping or go ebaying your life away. i care not. i dun give a shitte really. this blog (as much as anybody else's i suspect) is their/my own. in our own voices. barring subjects like the anarchists' cookbook or anything related to personal harm or pungent porn, we are allowed to say whatever we want, dun we? and we haveta put up with wayward peeps who spam blogs for kicks? for retribution heaped upon themselves? if i sound harsh itz becoz i feel strongly about "individuality" (not "for the sake of", mind) and the opportunity to assert ourselves in our own little corner of the world. how wrong is that? of coz with responsibilities lies great empowerment. and if that is taken away from us, what do we do then? mayhaps scribble unto little scraps of paper and lock them up in our recycled milo-tins? aaahhh ... i dunno what im trying to state anymore, i just want to be able to freely materialize and purge my thoughts somewhere and if this is where i've chosen to, then it shall be so. you dun haveta agree with it all. i dun ever expect anyone to. it is your right to your reactions and feelings, as much as it is for myself. for in the end, bugger off if it bugs you. fair enuff? heh.
another new week beckons and i'd like to start it off with a glass of iced-cheeky-cheeryade and a stick or two of menthollights. sometimes the simplicity in life is overmuddled and tainted by ourselves, when it just could, be. wouldn't that be great?
hoping the angryman can be a cheekyman again soon ... heh ;p
and also realize and accept that im an html-idiot! heh. spent the better part of the afternoon/evening trying to re-do my blogspot. but to no avail. trying to figure out the htmlsettings by trial and error had gotten me near nowhere. and im right back at where i've started. quite farnie this. the metaphors in life are so frighteningly similar. had wanted to upload links to some of my fav sites, as well as linkup some of my peeps like Mia-B's and Ah9's blogs. and even the few other blogs that i haunt daily. will just haveta try harder innit? or to temper my patience with resolve and conviction. mayhaps that's what i've lost as well, a part of me that has survived me for so long.
still feeling the metaphoric-laden-dream in the late morning and an emotional rollercoaster phonecall. the former which i've forgotten the story (tho the mood still lingers) and the latter keeping my mind busy for the duration. im careful to not "overthink" too much, as my mind has not been my own recently. but we trudge on. we move inch by miniscule inch and we trudge on.
a digression on what was in the news today. read about some dood in the US, a scholar with his blog being in the fray of public opinion and controversy. apparently he had racist remarks splattered in his blog. and for that he was being held accountable for it. the public outcry made him retract his entry and posted an apology afters. now, i've not read the blog and i dun really care about what's going on there. but to me, the underlying tone and situation is a wee bit alarming. yes, we have to be responsible in our entries and what we talk about, and in the end we are to face any and all consequences. true that. the irony being that it was (as so claimed) that it was a private blog. even tho it was in a public domian? and we are censored wherever we may be? by using words like muthafcuker and FUCK have i too been heaping abuse unintentionally on my readers? have i too offended anyone? should i keep alla my thoughts and feelings to myself then? then why the need for a blog in the first place? to pour out all of our brainmatter? might as well be an online diary/journal then! talking about mundane things like what i did today. or what i want to do etc... the same for the reply (which i have since removed) on my previous entries, insulting me and telling me what to do? FUCKTHATSHITTE! as my header says, if ya dun like what ya read? FCUKOFF. simple. if it insults your senses and wellbeing, GOAWAY. go surf some other porn you think is justifiyable or do some online shopping or go ebaying your life away. i care not. i dun give a shitte really. this blog (as much as anybody else's i suspect) is their/my own. in our own voices. barring subjects like the anarchists' cookbook or anything related to personal harm or pungent porn, we are allowed to say whatever we want, dun we? and we haveta put up with wayward peeps who spam blogs for kicks? for retribution heaped upon themselves? if i sound harsh itz becoz i feel strongly about "individuality" (not "for the sake of", mind) and the opportunity to assert ourselves in our own little corner of the world. how wrong is that? of coz with responsibilities lies great empowerment. and if that is taken away from us, what do we do then? mayhaps scribble unto little scraps of paper and lock them up in our recycled milo-tins? aaahhh ... i dunno what im trying to state anymore, i just want to be able to freely materialize and purge my thoughts somewhere and if this is where i've chosen to, then it shall be so. you dun haveta agree with it all. i dun ever expect anyone to. it is your right to your reactions and feelings, as much as it is for myself. for in the end, bugger off if it bugs you. fair enuff? heh.
another new week beckons and i'd like to start it off with a glass of iced-cheeky-cheeryade and a stick or two of menthollights. sometimes the simplicity in life is overmuddled and tainted by ourselves, when it just could, be. wouldn't that be great?
hoping the angryman can be a cheekyman again soon ... heh ;p
