> celluloid vs reality
3am on a monday morning, after an exceptional movie by David Fincher; "The Game" ... and wanting to rave about it online, when i realized my personal website (andyheng.com) has been "cancelled". i've neglected the outstanding bill ... in place is this cold strange ambiguous message that jolts me out from my weathered-chair in my weathered room, from my weathered state of mind ...
The Game stars Michael Douglas, whereby his millionaire character is placed in a "game-scenario" that spirals out of hand and turns his world topsy-turvy, where nothing was "real" and where nobody was to be trusted ... where he essentially looses everything he had ever known and held dear ...
and here i sit, reeling from the fantasy of good celluloid, when i logged unto my website just minutes ago ... imagine a camera untop of me, my head looking up at the camera lens ... and the camera spirals upwards and is speedingup and travelling further and further away from me, towards the skies ... but never leaving sight of me ... and i am sitting on a rickety-rusted 3-legged-stool in the middle of an openair car-less carpark ...
or mayhap the camera is me? as i move further and further away from my corporeal-body and life, i am looking at my own self and choosing most times (of late); to look away ...
and this is where it leads me: bills left unattended. responsibilities to others and to myself; unanswered. invoices for jobs and unclaimed-receipts left to freeze in the cold wilderness ... i had left the life i knew errantly behind ... while seeking newer pastures ... and it seems my wish might not come to fruition after all ... it seems i have no choice but to "face reality", as folks often say ... and as ironic as it is; seems my reality has come looking for me instead.
and i haveta take a deep breath and mutter to myself:
One Problem At A Time.
One Bill At A Time.
One Invoice At A Time.
... at the end of the movie, Michael Douglas' character "finds" himself and redeems his own sanity ... i can only hope and wish that celluloid could parallel "reality" ...
oh yes, one more deep-breath-mutter:
One LIFE At A Time.
... oh gawd, how i hate "reality" sometimes ...
