> a quick meal of the mind

im a snack. a quick meal.

it just dawned on me, that mayhap i am not fit for private or public consumption as of yet ... me life is slightly (to say the least) off-kilter at the mo and can hardly sustain (much less develop) a personal relationship, nor successfully interact with "the public" ... too many demons haunt my wakingdreams and most of them are self-made mirror demons too ... a twisted reflection of my psyche, but a reflection nevertheless ... and how can i ever "provide" for anyone else, when i can't even sustain my own reality? ... and im betting my last dollar and soul that i'll fuckup any relationships (love + platonic + friendship + otherwise) and that sits not well with me. not at all.

i am neither saddened by this self-revelation (not yet anyways) and neither do i blungeon myself with this malady ... tis an acceptable truth that i have to live with, for now ... and the loneliness is a path i have to journey on by myself, i reckon ... this sucks, but it'll haveta do, for lack of a more "saner" option ... the realization is a relief; of sorts ... and me mindfucks have gotta stop somewhere, somehow, ya know? ... no fingers pointed, no blame assigned, no dirty stares anywhere hahaha ... and tho i can hardly spring a surprise smile on me own face, i know that my heart is somewhat "calmed", for now ...

and hence, since i can't be a full-meal for anyone (for now), i can only offer wittle "bites", a "snack"; if you must ... and it'll be as hearty a snack as you'll ever gonna get hahahahahaha

and the morrow doesn't seem as daunting as i'd fear expect it to be ...