> blood
sent my sis back off to england at 5am today. and a little piece of me went along with her. with the past coupla years we had grown closer and i dare say she's the closest to a "best friend" as anyone can have and she is my besty!
only a coupla weeks+ had gone by since she came back for a holiday (the irony) and it had been way too short. and with a blink of an eye, she's left us again.
sitting outside the house having a lone cigarette at 430am, while waiting for her to get ready, i could physically feel the ache in my heart and i held back my tears as i inhale and exhale my solacesmoke. i held back as far as i could until upon the return journey home in the lift. had a minibreakdown, im not ashamed to say (or maybe i've been too much of an emo-wreck past coupla weeks as well! but i did mean it lor)
in all instances, blood is thicker than water and i can think of nary any substitute for family. i remembered (vaguely) in my youth i was quite the tyrant to my siblings. (or so they'd told me! heh) the indifference to my sister and an alloutprick to my brother. being the oldest i guess; fuelled that role. i felt alone while the two of them bonded, as they still are close. i am not at all close to my brother, with no opportunity to even let him know i care and feel for him more than he'd ever (if ever) know (as is the norm in a typical chinese family, i suspect) and i feel useless a brother to both...
this saddens me so. but with time, barriers will still be able to be torn down and in the end, family is still family and i love them both...
i regret not having the "celebration-of-being-single-again-drink" my sis suggested we have a while back. imagine all three of us, passing the 30's-mark (for gawdsakes!) and sharing time together outside of the family abode. hahaha the last time we were ever in the same room was about four years ago? (my memory fails me yet again *sigh*) where i held a private/secret BBQ party in my old office down at boat quay (while the co. was overseas. heh) with personal frens and such. and there was a photo taken by my fren of all three of us standing together side-by-side with chopsticks in our hands and lao-hei! (new year celebration of tossing rawfish+whatnot = aiyah ya know what i mean rite? :p) i smile at that thot and memory and wish my fren could just friggin gimme the pix!
we eventually did not have that drinking session. the "single-status" came and went for all of us. we led our own lives as usual. time had passed ... and the realization that it would be years before we would actually have that drink or at least be in the same room, all three of us ... and that puts an ache in my heart yet again.
Sis = please do take care of yourself k? temper your heart with your head (as i do tell myself the same thing) good luck with your "career" in the UK and be kind to yourself k? know that we are here for you if ever/whenever you need us k? kor loves you, you know that, rite? :)
and to my brother (who might or might not read this): let's talk, like brothers, we shall ... and if we dun, please do take care of yourself. be safe. be strong...
for tho we each have our own lives to lead, we are bounded not just by blood, we are family and the love for each other shall transcend time and any barriers.
only a coupla weeks+ had gone by since she came back for a holiday (the irony) and it had been way too short. and with a blink of an eye, she's left us again.
sitting outside the house having a lone cigarette at 430am, while waiting for her to get ready, i could physically feel the ache in my heart and i held back my tears as i inhale and exhale my solacesmoke. i held back as far as i could until upon the return journey home in the lift. had a minibreakdown, im not ashamed to say (or maybe i've been too much of an emo-wreck past coupla weeks as well! but i did mean it lor)
in all instances, blood is thicker than water and i can think of nary any substitute for family. i remembered (vaguely) in my youth i was quite the tyrant to my siblings. (or so they'd told me! heh) the indifference to my sister and an alloutprick to my brother. being the oldest i guess; fuelled that role. i felt alone while the two of them bonded, as they still are close. i am not at all close to my brother, with no opportunity to even let him know i care and feel for him more than he'd ever (if ever) know (as is the norm in a typical chinese family, i suspect) and i feel useless a brother to both...
this saddens me so. but with time, barriers will still be able to be torn down and in the end, family is still family and i love them both...
i regret not having the "celebration-of-being-single-again-drink" my sis suggested we have a while back. imagine all three of us, passing the 30's-mark (for gawdsakes!) and sharing time together outside of the family abode. hahaha the last time we were ever in the same room was about four years ago? (my memory fails me yet again *sigh*) where i held a private/secret BBQ party in my old office down at boat quay (while the co. was overseas. heh) with personal frens and such. and there was a photo taken by my fren of all three of us standing together side-by-side with chopsticks in our hands and lao-hei! (new year celebration of tossing rawfish+whatnot = aiyah ya know what i mean rite? :p) i smile at that thot and memory and wish my fren could just friggin gimme the pix!
we eventually did not have that drinking session. the "single-status" came and went for all of us. we led our own lives as usual. time had passed ... and the realization that it would be years before we would actually have that drink or at least be in the same room, all three of us ... and that puts an ache in my heart yet again.
Sis = please do take care of yourself k? temper your heart with your head (as i do tell myself the same thing) good luck with your "career" in the UK and be kind to yourself k? know that we are here for you if ever/whenever you need us k? kor loves you, you know that, rite? :)
and to my brother (who might or might not read this): let's talk, like brothers, we shall ... and if we dun, please do take care of yourself. be safe. be strong...
for tho we each have our own lives to lead, we are bounded not just by blood, we are family and the love for each other shall transcend time and any barriers.
