> PR and the past
im normally not good with PR (public relations), specifically with "upper management". never have been. i dun "pander up" or kiss @$$. never have and probably never will. call me stubborn or anything else that comes to mind, but i never felt there was any need to vindicate/validate myself or promote myself in front of "the suits" or "bosses". i do my job to the best of my abilities and situations and i always deliver ... and i'll leave it as that. i let my work be the judge of my abilities and not my PR-skills. tho i do acknowledge the "benefits" (tangible or intangible) that comes with good PR and the "opportunities" that inevitably goes along with it ... but most times if i dun agree with the "upper folks" and their abilities (besides paying me my $$$-on time) i dun bother as much. i do try and OF COZ i'd follow basic protocol (duh), but i know i'd be "plastic" and since EVERYTHING shows on my face (im too transparent in this regard) i stop short of making a blardy clown of myself, even tho they might appreciate the "effort". somehow, people like being @$$-kissed, people like being in the position of power (who doesn't?) and the many underlings skuttling beneath them validates their own insecurities and obvious lack of abilities. no, im not about that and probably never will be ... and probably that's my downfall thru the years, tho i'd not like to think so ...
a conversation that just ended basically confirmed my suspicions. i was basically "recommended" to put my PR-skills to work with my current freelance employers. to "smoothen the transition". fuck that. why the fuck should i? becoz i'd seem to be a nicer person? a better person? a better worker? my work would somehow be miraculously "better"? maybe, i have no doubt that it would; ironically. and even if i put myself in "their" shoes, i can nary find a justifiable reason why i should kiss @$$. so i can cover up problems and mistakes of others that had sabotaged me both directly and indirectly? WTF? and yes, im being stubborn and mayhap even "unrealistic", in this day and age; especially in this line that is the whoring and incestuous industry that is the MEDIA. especially if "loose lips sink ships" and my future survival depends on what peeps say of me ... tho i'd never want to be accused of "loose lips suck many dicks", if ya get what i mean? fuck this shitte.
my simple work-relationship-equation: you be nice to me, i be nice to you.
many a times, years past,; i've told myself: "haveta make frens lah. tis contacts that helps you survive in this industry. do whatever it takes lor ... it's just WORDS only mah ... free what? dun need to sacrifice anything, right? not as if asking you to go down on your knees to inhale, right?" ... fuck that shitte. and i hold unto my (false? ignorant?) pride and principles and tell them to go fuck themselves up their own loose @$$es with their own inflated egos ... of coz i dun literally lah! (ya see? i DO have PR skills! HAH) = but ya can always see it on my FACE.
don't fuck with me and i wouldn't need to fuck with you.
i'm here to do a job and not have to try to be a best friend to you, to feed your ego.
and yes i am stubborn. tho tis not as if i dun fren-fren you BECOZ your the boss lah! this is something to be said about "chemistry", or even the eventual "respect" for YOU (rather than JUST your "position"), ya know? if we get along fine, well why the heck not? and if ya rub me the wrong way or me you, then so be it ... i've always said this: "you might think im an unfriendly arrogant bugger, but at the end of the day, if i can deliver good work; why worry?" ...
it's a fine line:
(1) having a ball of a time working with peeps, everybody loves me around, but my work sucks or is plain mediocre...
(2) im not a nice person to work with. im not chatty or friendly enough ... but i do good work ...
how, like dat? personnally i've always "preferred" option (2), becoz at the end of the day, i let my work speak for itself ... tho irony is, as incestuous as this industry IS, peeps would most probably hire you becoz "you're nice to work with" - am i wrong here? is it prevalent in JUST this fucking industry? where it's NOT about your work, but about your ability to KISS @$$? i sure as hell hope not! ... but a decade in this battle has not defeated me (as yet) - tis just diluted my rose-tinted glasses ... realizing tis dried blood that covers the lens and obscures a true vision ... and i (foolishly) cling onto the hope that there ARE peeps out there who are more concerned with THE WORK than just the PR ...
to be fair, i have led teams before. i know how it is "in the other shoe". i've had folks working under me, for a variety of projects and different genres. from my days fulltiming at TCS (prior mediacorp) to my movies and teevee gigs. from 2 peeps to as much as 17 peeps. and with feedback (most often not VERY accurate, im sure) - most peeps dun initially like me. becoz i just WORK and nothing else. "respect" (if so deemed) came after the work is completed. when they see tangible form. when thru alla the hustlebustle and sweatbloodangryscreams = something "worthy" is shown.
i always fondly (truly) remember my days at TCS - the first year was pure hell. none of my own peers taught nor guided me thru anything (as such the standard case in every pseudo-civilservant-setup, i reckon). i was left in the wilderness. t'was my "guys" (who worked "under" me) who fcuked me to humbleness = for a full year. i was their piss-bucket. i was blatantly sabotaged on too many occasions. things had arrived in shitte states, so much so directors and producers would too give me a dirty look (i was just a set designer then) ~ tho i'd haveta say, my PR-skills were TOP-NOTCH then! hahahaha and so yes, i DO know the benefits of good PR (*blergh*) ... but i digress ... i remembered one single incident, whereby i was attached to the designer that did Under One Roof (he was one of the nicer blokes lah) and was given a chance to design a "swing set" (swing set: a set or design that was not part of the regular set. a one-off design/set, never needing to see the light of day after the studio shoot) for which i tried diligently to execute. i remembered walking in "triumphantly" into the studio, to my small set - to find out something was wrong with it (dun need to go too indepth here lah) - for which, in front of the entire studio camera crew, in front of the actors rehearsing, in front of the director and producers; my staging crew (staging crew: folks whose main job was to set-up / build the sets in studio) = fcuked me out loud at the top of his lungs; mercilessly: "YOU'RE THE WORST FUCKING DESIGNER I'VE EVER WORKED WITH!" ... oh man, the humblepie i swallowed could've fed me for an entire year ... i'd just kept quiet knowingly and asked how i could improve myself next time ... and all these happenings diluted my passion for a year ... but i was stubborn and wanted to prove to MYSELF more than anyone else, that i can do good work. and after that, things turned for the better, if not the best ... the dudes who've fucked me daily become friends and it was THEY who taught me what i needed to know, to survive, to be able to do my work. and i lurve them all to fcukingbits.
years later, on my last coupla days at TCS, i went around everyone to say my goodbyes. that same (malay) dude who fucked me in the studio way back when? he was exclaiming to the rest of us that: "HE'S THE BEST DESIGNER I'VE EVER WORKED WITH!" ~ for which i then reminded him of THAT time in the studio, where he fcuked me loudloud sial! AHAHAHAHAHA and no i wasn't bitter, and no there wasn't a grudge - i just thought it was fcuking hilarious already! ... but Ramat (malay staging dude's name) was so affected by my remark, i swear he nearly got unto his knees (or maybe im over dramatising it) and i held him up - i did not accept his "sorries", becoz there never was a need to and i thanked him for it. i thanked him and everyone for their fcuking me and the love and support they've shown thru the years. i remembered shedding my tears openly with them and them me. my guys. my friends. my crew. my teachers.
i so do miss them now and then.
needless to say, the crews that've worked with me since then, had been varied. from industry pros to newbies. in all instances, i'd want to say they worked with me, rather than "for" me ... becoz we go thru the same shitte, we go thru the same grime. i'd not want to say i go thru more (since im the sucker in charge), but tis transparent to all ... my burdens are theirs (some of them anyways) and theirs; mine. and i've always tried to advocate an "open working style" - meaning feedback is mondo important, good and/or bad. no grudges and strictly no politics. no need for @$$-kissing as well, for i abhor it. i detest it. no need to ... let your work speak for itself. and if we are friends at the end of it all = pure gravy. i've always said: "if a crew can't even sit down for a meal together, how can the crew even work together?" - and i hold that principle closely to my heart and head.
and no, im not saying im a "good leader" or anything like that, k? *blergh*
there's a shitteload of stories i could tell, but maybe i've spoken too much here already ... heh ... in the end, i reckon, earn that fucking respect first before ya expect peeps to automatically "give in" to you and your whims, work requirements aside, of coz. personnally, nobody respects a good-@$$-kisser, but if the work is good? validation is bliss.
i dun expect respect ... tho i would appreciate recognition for a job (well) done.
and now, all i want and need to do: is to complete my work in a good and responsible manner and get the hell out of dodge. no need for @$$-kissing and i sure as heck dun look forward to be working wif those peeps again (and im sure, them -me), lemme tell ya ... and yes, do pay me as well, coz ya sure dun wanna fuck me over with that. dun ever.
a conversation that just ended basically confirmed my suspicions. i was basically "recommended" to put my PR-skills to work with my current freelance employers. to "smoothen the transition". fuck that. why the fuck should i? becoz i'd seem to be a nicer person? a better person? a better worker? my work would somehow be miraculously "better"? maybe, i have no doubt that it would; ironically. and even if i put myself in "their" shoes, i can nary find a justifiable reason why i should kiss @$$. so i can cover up problems and mistakes of others that had sabotaged me both directly and indirectly? WTF? and yes, im being stubborn and mayhap even "unrealistic", in this day and age; especially in this line that is the whoring and incestuous industry that is the MEDIA. especially if "loose lips sink ships" and my future survival depends on what peeps say of me ... tho i'd never want to be accused of "loose lips suck many dicks", if ya get what i mean? fuck this shitte.
many a times, years past,; i've told myself: "haveta make frens lah. tis contacts that helps you survive in this industry. do whatever it takes lor ... it's just WORDS only mah ... free what? dun need to sacrifice anything, right? not as if asking you to go down on your knees to inhale, right?" ... fuck that shitte. and i hold unto my (false? ignorant?) pride and principles and tell them to go fuck themselves up their own loose @$$es with their own inflated egos ... of coz i dun literally lah! (ya see? i DO have PR skills! HAH) = but ya can always see it on my FACE.
and yes i am stubborn. tho tis not as if i dun fren-fren you BECOZ your the boss lah! this is something to be said about "chemistry", or even the eventual "respect" for YOU (rather than JUST your "position"), ya know? if we get along fine, well why the heck not? and if ya rub me the wrong way or me you, then so be it ... i've always said this: "you might think im an unfriendly arrogant bugger, but at the end of the day, if i can deliver good work; why worry?" ...
it's a fine line:
(1) having a ball of a time working with peeps, everybody loves me around, but my work sucks or is plain mediocre...
(2) im not a nice person to work with. im not chatty or friendly enough ... but i do good work ...
how, like dat? personnally i've always "preferred" option (2), becoz at the end of the day, i let my work speak for itself ... tho irony is, as incestuous as this industry IS, peeps would most probably hire you becoz "you're nice to work with" - am i wrong here? is it prevalent in JUST this fucking industry? where it's NOT about your work, but about your ability to KISS @$$? i sure as hell hope not! ... but a decade in this battle has not defeated me (as yet) - tis just diluted my rose-tinted glasses ... realizing tis dried blood that covers the lens and obscures a true vision ... and i (foolishly) cling onto the hope that there ARE peeps out there who are more concerned with THE WORK than just the PR ...
to be fair, i have led teams before. i know how it is "in the other shoe". i've had folks working under me, for a variety of projects and different genres. from my days fulltiming at TCS (prior mediacorp) to my movies and teevee gigs. from 2 peeps to as much as 17 peeps. and with feedback (most often not VERY accurate, im sure) - most peeps dun initially like me. becoz i just WORK and nothing else. "respect" (if so deemed) came after the work is completed. when they see tangible form. when thru alla the hustlebustle and sweatbloodangryscreams = something "worthy" is shown.
i always fondly (truly) remember my days at TCS - the first year was pure hell. none of my own peers taught nor guided me thru anything (as such the standard case in every pseudo-civilservant-setup, i reckon). i was left in the wilderness. t'was my "guys" (who worked "under" me) who fcuked me to humbleness = for a full year. i was their piss-bucket. i was blatantly sabotaged on too many occasions. things had arrived in shitte states, so much so directors and producers would too give me a dirty look (i was just a set designer then) ~ tho i'd haveta say, my PR-skills were TOP-NOTCH then! hahahaha and so yes, i DO know the benefits of good PR (*blergh*) ... but i digress ... i remembered one single incident, whereby i was attached to the designer that did Under One Roof (he was one of the nicer blokes lah) and was given a chance to design a "swing set" (swing set: a set or design that was not part of the regular set. a one-off design/set, never needing to see the light of day after the studio shoot) for which i tried diligently to execute. i remembered walking in "triumphantly" into the studio, to my small set - to find out something was wrong with it (dun need to go too indepth here lah) - for which, in front of the entire studio camera crew, in front of the actors rehearsing, in front of the director and producers; my staging crew (staging crew: folks whose main job was to set-up / build the sets in studio) = fcuked me out loud at the top of his lungs; mercilessly: "YOU'RE THE WORST FUCKING DESIGNER I'VE EVER WORKED WITH!" ... oh man, the humblepie i swallowed could've fed me for an entire year ... i'd just kept quiet knowingly and asked how i could improve myself next time ... and all these happenings diluted my passion for a year ... but i was stubborn and wanted to prove to MYSELF more than anyone else, that i can do good work. and after that, things turned for the better, if not the best ... the dudes who've fucked me daily become friends and it was THEY who taught me what i needed to know, to survive, to be able to do my work. and i lurve them all to fcukingbits.
years later, on my last coupla days at TCS, i went around everyone to say my goodbyes. that same (malay) dude who fucked me in the studio way back when? he was exclaiming to the rest of us that: "HE'S THE BEST DESIGNER I'VE EVER WORKED WITH!" ~ for which i then reminded him of THAT time in the studio, where he fcuked me loudloud sial! AHAHAHAHAHA and no i wasn't bitter, and no there wasn't a grudge - i just thought it was fcuking hilarious already! ... but Ramat (malay staging dude's name) was so affected by my remark, i swear he nearly got unto his knees (or maybe im over dramatising it) and i held him up - i did not accept his "sorries", becoz there never was a need to and i thanked him for it. i thanked him and everyone for their fcuking me and the love and support they've shown thru the years. i remembered shedding my tears openly with them and them me. my guys. my friends. my crew. my teachers.
needless to say, the crews that've worked with me since then, had been varied. from industry pros to newbies. in all instances, i'd want to say they worked with me, rather than "for" me ... becoz we go thru the same shitte, we go thru the same grime. i'd not want to say i go thru more (since im the sucker in charge), but tis transparent to all ... my burdens are theirs (some of them anyways) and theirs; mine. and i've always tried to advocate an "open working style" - meaning feedback is mondo important, good and/or bad. no grudges and strictly no politics. no need for @$$-kissing as well, for i abhor it. i detest it. no need to ... let your work speak for itself. and if we are friends at the end of it all = pure gravy. i've always said: "if a crew can't even sit down for a meal together, how can the crew even work together?" - and i hold that principle closely to my heart and head.
there's a shitteload of stories i could tell, but maybe i've spoken too much here already ... heh ... in the end, i reckon, earn that fucking respect first before ya expect peeps to automatically "give in" to you and your whims, work requirements aside, of coz. personnally, nobody respects a good-@$$-kisser, but if the work is good? validation is bliss.
and now, all i want and need to do: is to complete my work in a good and responsible manner and get the hell out of dodge. no need for @$$-kissing and i sure as heck dun look forward to be working wif those peeps again (and im sure, them -me), lemme tell ya ... and yes, do pay me as well, coz ya sure dun wanna fuck me over with that. dun ever.
