> traction
started the afternoon with a sudden desire for luxury items. items that might make my life a bit more bearable: (1) a Mac Laptop, (2) an iPod and (3) a new pair of Addidas (or any brand for that matter):
... *yumz*
... but the reality is, i have but only (1) my 2nd-hand-G4, (2) a borrowed Discman [from me mum] and (3) my catscratched pair of Bata slippers:
... to depend on ...
and in these lean times, perhaps they are enough. to surf~on, to drift into, to get me places. yes, that would be enough for now. for any material luxuries or possessions are but physical trappings (not sourgrapes i assure you) ~ for in the end, tis what's within you that'll make up for the difference. and with that i find myself sorely lacking ...
/the ride home on the crowded MRT and bus home was ... bad ... realized i was physically "immuning" myself to my own feelings. blasting basmentjaxx as loud as i could and ignoring everything around me ~ took quite a lot out of me. i was trying to control my breathing and to keep myself from "reacting". nearly lost my concentration on the bus home (cd-music finished! drats - but i replayed soon enuff) and felt a trembling feeling oozing up my spine and a sour taste in my mouth ... but i got home intact. tried uploading pix on multiply to distract myself and but of coz nothing ever gets forgotten or parlayed for long in my furtile mind ... and im lost in my tomb again ... asking myself why the fcuk am i typing this all down on my misbegotten blog?! so proud to share meh? not ashamed meh? nahbey! ... no im not proud and yes im ashamed of myself, yet again ... and i remember two things that popped into my mind on the way home, as i deliberated whether there was a "need" for this entry...
/random thought:
"blogging is not my life ... but this blog is about my life. "
dun feel a need to explain this further. its also a misdirected-sorta-reaction to the newspaper's coverage of a local blogger; sarongpartygirl (and no, im not providing a link, altho i do read her blog quite often), who'd posted nude pix of herself in her blog. and i felt saddened that it had warranted an article in the country's newspaper. whatdafcuk? which goes to prove the "privacy" of blogs in singapore is a fcukingmyth. which in essence is blardy TRUE, innit? for media coverage and such will see no markers in their quest for whatisdeemed~"news"~in singapore and i blame them not, to be fair. irony being (of coz this is PURELY CONSPIRACY-THEORIZED) ~ could it have been a "mention" on a coupla popular local blogs that pointed the phantomfinger to the source? maybe? maybe not ... but in the end, we have to realize that, mayhaps blogs like mine "exist not in the mainstream of blogging" (which is ALL GOOD) ~ but for others; more "personal" (or some might argue; "controversial") = once "outted" or "featured" by a "popular blog"? = a whole lotta fame and counterhits will come with consequences, immediate or longserving ... tho im poitning no fingers here, tis just my warpedmind on overdrive ... and i sure as heck need some distractions from my own personal shitte that's happening now, innit? but i stand on no soapbox. i scream and rant to no one in particular. i do not exist, so all is fine. heh
/and where does alla these rants leave me? ... in the land of limbo between needs and desires ... between whitelies and truths ...between peace and destruction ... and i will leave this entry for now and see what the next moment brings me ...
~ presses *publish post* ~
... *yumz*... but the reality is, i have but only (1) my 2nd-hand-G4, (2) a borrowed Discman [from me mum] and (3) my catscratched pair of Bata slippers:
... to depend on ...and in these lean times, perhaps they are enough. to surf~on, to drift into, to get me places. yes, that would be enough for now. for any material luxuries or possessions are but physical trappings (not sourgrapes i assure you) ~ for in the end, tis what's within you that'll make up for the difference. and with that i find myself sorely lacking ...
/the ride home on the crowded MRT and bus home was ... bad ... realized i was physically "immuning" myself to my own feelings. blasting basmentjaxx as loud as i could and ignoring everything around me ~ took quite a lot out of me. i was trying to control my breathing and to keep myself from "reacting". nearly lost my concentration on the bus home (cd-music finished! drats - but i replayed soon enuff) and felt a trembling feeling oozing up my spine and a sour taste in my mouth ... but i got home intact. tried uploading pix on multiply to distract myself and but of coz nothing ever gets forgotten or parlayed for long in my furtile mind ... and im lost in my tomb again ... asking myself why the fcuk am i typing this all down on my misbegotten blog?! so proud to share meh? not ashamed meh? nahbey! ... no im not proud and yes im ashamed of myself, yet again ... and i remember two things that popped into my mind on the way home, as i deliberated whether there was a "need" for this entry...
/random thought:
"blogging is not my life ... but this blog is about my life. "
dun feel a need to explain this further. its also a misdirected-sorta-reaction to the newspaper's coverage of a local blogger; sarongpartygirl (and no, im not providing a link, altho i do read her blog quite often), who'd posted nude pix of herself in her blog. and i felt saddened that it had warranted an article in the country's newspaper. whatdafcuk? which goes to prove the "privacy" of blogs in singapore is a fcukingmyth. which in essence is blardy TRUE, innit? for media coverage and such will see no markers in their quest for whatisdeemed~"news"~in singapore and i blame them not, to be fair. irony being (of coz this is PURELY CONSPIRACY-THEORIZED) ~ could it have been a "mention" on a coupla popular local blogs that pointed the phantomfinger to the source? maybe? maybe not ... but in the end, we have to realize that, mayhaps blogs like mine "exist not in the mainstream of blogging" (which is ALL GOOD) ~ but for others; more "personal" (or some might argue; "controversial") = once "outted" or "featured" by a "popular blog"? = a whole lotta fame and counterhits will come with consequences, immediate or longserving ... tho im poitning no fingers here, tis just my warpedmind on overdrive ... and i sure as heck need some distractions from my own personal shitte that's happening now, innit? but i stand on no soapbox. i scream and rant to no one in particular. i do not exist, so all is fine. heh
/and where does alla these rants leave me? ... in the land of limbo between needs and desires ... between whitelies and truths ...between peace and destruction ... and i will leave this entry for now and see what the next moment brings me ...
~ presses *publish post* ~
