spam of life

i've always thought i understood the expression: "it never rains but it pours" - most times begrudgingly, mind, rather than zen-acceptance. but like a blind-box of toys, you'll never completely know if you'd never be lucky enough to get a "chase" figure for sure, innit?

and 2006 was actually a quasi-plateau-year, with drought-dry gigs on the work-front, a daily struggle to scrounge for blog-content and a repeat rinse cycle of recycled toys (can't afford to buy any new ones for myself, re-play the old over and over again :p). but with the eventual stop of the year-end torrential rain-pour, came in the flood of other (in)tangibles:

is it just me, or has online spam doubled tripled, past the new year? some days i feel like my days are filled with real-life spam, not in the negative way associated with the www, but in the way that they suddenly appear without warning and overwhelms you.

and within a day (last week), i have two feature films in discussion (more courtship actually), which cannot move forward (even if i chose it to) until after the current potiential gig is negotiated successfully. keeping up with school responsiblities is going to be quite the onerous task, with everything else going on around me, which inevitably, something will "break" ... well, something has to, somehow, innit? and we can only but standby the super-glue of life at the wayside :p

on the brighter shade of sunshine, my inbox has been filled with new kind souls offering info daily constantly, with new found frens and new relationships building, i would be very sad to leave this blog (if ever that would happen), as i had done for my various online toy forums in the past ...

a lifetime ago years ago, my "addiction" was 1/6th forum-boards: posting my kitbashes and chatting away online with folks from all over the globe, sharing and trading info, on a daily basis. it felt good to be with like-minded company. i felt "welcomed". i felt i'd "belonged". fast forward a few bad bitter trades ("never again", i swore), being perpetually off-line and saddled with a few personal financial disasters a few years later, i find it now hard to go back in to the forums and start posting again ...

for the old-haunts: i've stepped off the train and tis chugged on without me ... and now that i've stepped back on again, i'd be content just to hide in the back booth, seeing every one else instead, waiting for the day when i spring a surprise hello - which is stupid, becoz everyone else has/is still "partying", while i remain silent in the back booth, innit?

for the new: i've registered on quite a few, but most times im jumping in mid-fray and somehow find it hard to move forward, ya know? stuck in my own whirlpool world - repeat - rinse hahahahaha :p

for sure there are a couple i do attempt to join in, but in the end, tis still a feeling of being "outside", one foot thru the door, but still peering thru the window, ya know? of coz it doesn't help when my particular "brand" / "style" of kitbashes and "customs" fit not into the current pigeonholes and forum-shelves, dunnit? and sticking out ("like a decaying toe-rash", as opposed to "uniqueness") has never been my forte anyways ... least that's me current conjuncture ... :p

and the only thing about real-life spam is, you can't just press the "delete" button.

teetering on the thin invisible line between being " ignored" and "overwhelmed", i squint my eyes to enjoy the bright sunshine that looms beyond the rain-clouds, hopefully approaching fast on my horizon-line, in my little corner of this alternate universe ... sunnies on the ready, to replace thy tattered umbrella - heh.

life is like a bubble of gasaphon, you'll never know what exact toy you'll be getting inside....