the unusual suspects: h.g.c. kajicube
SPIDER: Public indecency. Just like his daddy.
TRE: i suggest you cooperate with us, Reverend Spider, nix the cheek and stick to the facts, please - do you know what your KajiCube is accused of right now?
SPIDER: Our lawyers say not to talk about that until the investigation is over. Suffice to say, the labels on restroom doors are more misleading than you think. Especially if you're a square, with spew for a face and tank treads.
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TRE: well i would recommend you start talking to us NOW, to save yourself the trouble, yes? and does your KajiCube have anything to add to his statement at this point?
SPIDER: I'm not sure, but I'd like him to say it in pidgin. The kids love that.
TRE: looks like it'll be a long-night down at the station, yeh? describe your KajiCube's character for us...
SPIDER: H.G.C. is like this gross, goober-faced monster with a dim world-view, to which I then strapped to treads and an artillery turret, so as to better aid him in engaging the obtuse in healthy, progressive, intellectual disputation.
TRE: what does H.G.C. stand for?
SPIDER: H.G.C. stand for "Hairy Goo-Cannon", which I thought captured his attributes pretty accurately, but everyone else thought it was foul as hell, for some reason. So he goes by initials.
TRE: how did your KajiCube come about?
SPIDER: Heheh, the H.G.C. came about like most of my other project designs do: I work on a design for days, then I throw it out at the zero hour and come up with something in about thirty seconds that I like way.
TRE: are there any future plans for H.G.C.?
SPIDER: Um. Like all our toys and prints, we're really interested in getting some better distribution. It'd be great to make these guys available through more outlets, and on a wider scale. Mattel won't return my calls, though. Not after I sent them my proposal for a line of lingerie for Barbie.
What? I don't care. It was hot.
TRE: ... i wore ladies lingerie onetime i went undercover for a sting-op, the feel of satin was very soothing, i have to say ... eerr ... and you didn't need to know that (dammit) ... Stop Beating Around The Bush, Spider! tell us, why plush?
SPIDER: I thought it would be cool to juxtapose a heavily-armored combat vehicle with a soft, fuzzy body. Plus, everyone else was doing one, and I just want to fit in.
TRE: AH-HAH! so you admit to creating the primary weapon! describe your role in Agi-Agi.
SPIDER: I'm definitely, like, the director of the team. They're always at my house, eating in my kitchen, sleeping on my furniture, pooping on my toilet, and all sorts of permutations thereof.
DETECTIVE (soon to be "Constable" becoz he ain't done diddly-squat to solve the crime) TOYSREVIL: looks like we may wrap up this investigation sooner than expected Spider! in closing, please tell us about yourself and what you do.
SPIDER: I've always been building toys. I used to make marionettes and animatronic monsters and such, so now I do all sorts of mechanical engineering for the group; I sort out articulation and action-features, figure out materials, and do character sheets for the animation. I've got a pretty good head for patterns and I know a lot about tailoring, so I do all the plush work, too. I designed and built the giant killer plant as the FX Show and the subsequent miniature versions of it (PLUG: ON SALE NOW!), and have some other crazy ideas for further down the road. I also do a lot of painting and illustration work, and occasionally I'll put together art shows and events in Miami and Orlando, which are notable for their weird themes and the deplorable social behavior of the attendees and staff.
INVESTIGATION HAS CONCLUDED FOR THE TIME BEING,
PENDING A FORMAL HEARING SET FOR:
SEPTEMBER 22nd 2007 @ Lollicup Coffee & Tea on Orange Blossom Trail in Orlando, USA [read more HERE and HERE]
