> a name by any other name

found myself thinking alot today. under the weird circumstance that was my first day of RT (Regimental Training. *PUI* - the army) that evetually turned out to be this giantass orientationsession for the duration of the 3 and a half hours that i/we were there! (first day only, im sure... the aches and bodily pains will come soon) and the only sweat that brokeout was basically due to the hot afternoon weather. heh. and with alla the waiting and waiting and waiting (the only good thing that is the militarylife) in my dazed state (slept at 10am, awake throughout the nite and wakingup at 2pm for my 4pm RT sesssion) my mind wondered far and wide. questions of the past, of the present and of the future swished around in my brainmatter. most times incoherent, some times enlightening, many times a frighteningblur ... but one thing stuck with me, even as i left the camp and on the taxi enroute to my abode: how do i call my blog?

(1) my addie is toysrevil.blogspot.com = hence that is my "persona" ("online" - as it were) and official nick.

(2) but my titleheading is "this is an angryblog by an angryman" = which is also one of my personas (on ebay i am angrydude - but never use already, so can say loudloud nyaknyak) and most peeps and frens agree with the angry-persona as i am like that i real-life! the irony being im like that most times when im working, or on a productionset. heh. oh wells ....

now ya can see where the confusion lies?

Ah9 names me as toysrevil, in his links on his webpage. and with the exception of Mia-B's link, nobody else knows of my existence or have linked me in any way. BUT if they were to, what would they call/name me? hahahaha i wouldn't even know how to name myself!

in the end, a name's just a name. for if even no one knows of itz existence, how can you name what you dun know? and even if ya did, a name's just a name. yes i am going around in circles, i know. and i doubt if i'd decide on an official name just yet. and probably at this junction in time im not whoring myself all over the net, for now ... we'll see what happens when the time comes anyways ... something new/old that i'm trying to adhere to nowsadays: "Chuan2 Dao4 Qiao2 Tou2 Zhi4 Ruan2 Zhi2" ("whence the boat reaches the head of the bridge, it will naturally become straight" - or something like that lah! hahahaha my mandarin sucks rancid goat balls lah!) or basically itz crossing the bridge when ya need to eventually (or something like that = i giveup lieow lah! heh :p).

things have a funny way to sort themselves out and in the end, ya can do nothing but go with whatever fate and/or destiny has instore fer ya. we'll see ... we'll see ...

i dun have a specific persona i need to adhere to. i dun have an "angle". i dun have a "gimmick". this is just plain ol' me = any and all different "versions" or aspects of me ... and thatz alright with me :)

the irony (yah, i know got alotta "ironies" and "in the end"s in my posts lah :p) being that anonymity isn't even a question/issue here - as i sign my true name off at the end of everypost! hahaha kiasu (kiasu = scared to lose) mah! scared people run off with my stuff (as if anybody would want to - but i have been before and it sucks, yah? trust me *ggrrrrr*) or rip me off ... but scared also no use, becoz in the end, the www is NEVER private, especially if yer doing blogs and any tom's hairy dicks can come on in and mindrape youse! be that as it may, it is in the end a personal choice and basic personal responsibility has to be yours lor, as mentioned in Anthony's Zen and the Art of Blogging. and i dare not lay any claim to being a "blogger" per se, as my blogcherry still remains untainted (or as i'd like to think anyways) and perhaps i'd just be content with being a wannabewmediawhore or just plain ol' me with my inane and mundane mutterings in my own little corner of the vast and near infinite blogsphere that is the www. and in the end (heh) my website's not even listed on my blogprofilepage! ahahahaha so much for "not scared" eh? muahahahahahaha but if some folks out there who knows me as toysrevil might still put 2+2 together and find me! my pagecount doesn't reflect that. but even if it did, they remain quiet and continue reading about my dismal life at their leisure and there's nothing wrong with that at all, i reckon... becoz i myself too do the same! heh.

and with that i'd liketa shoutout to alla my frens and peeps reading this (even if ya dun tell me you've found me, tis cool for now) and to alla the peeps that chance upon mysite = a cheery harrows ta yas too! :)

yes, im at a deceptively-delirious-high (with the lormee-dinner's garlic still alive in my mouth) and a craving for "hellos" and "how are ya"s out there in peeps' minds, even tho they might not be whispered my way ... hhmmm ... im still not making much sense, am i? gonna go grab another redbull and see what's in store for the rest of the night ... tis only just 915pm ... :)
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