> of religion and divine dreams
reactions from XiaXue's blog about her post on religion, more specifically "errant evangelising" (the most PC reference i can come up with at 1:10am blogging here instead of doing my REAL job ... daymn.). and while i both agree and disagree with a lotta her points, maybe all i'll do here is to share a personal story which not many people (only the closest) outside of my family knows about ...
i had an aunt who had passed away years ago.
she had passed away when i was 18 years old. prior to her death, she had lived with my family and taken care of my dad even since he was a young'un as well as when i was a wee lad til near her death. more than a decade with us. she was 81 when she passed on.
understand that she had lit joss-sticks and prayed to her ancestors her entire life. she spoke only teochew. and she was as healthy as any old person can be. healthy lifestyle and eating habits. she never smoked. she never drank alcohol (well, maybe she did when she was younger, i wouldn't know). know that she loved us all and we in turned loved her like our own.
a coupla months before her death, her naturalborn-son decided it was time to bring her back to his own home. to cut a long drama story short, within the last months while she was with his all-christian family, she had fallen twice. and the 2nd time it was a bad one and she was hospitalized and critical.
one early morning i had awoken (didnt know why i woke up so early too) and found my parents coming back home. my aunt had passed away, they explained with halting choking words. this was the first time i've ever seen my parent's tears flowed so freely.
the next thing i knew, we were at a christian wake / funeral. i was shocked. hymns were sung by total strangers (to us) and a pastor who spoke of my aunt as if she knew her that well. i was indeed very shocked. but soon, that shock would turn into anger.
apparently, my aunt was baptised on her deathbed by her son and grandchildren. my parents had only known about it much later. imagine this, a sickly old woman near death and she agrees knowingly and with clarity to be baptised?
that night, her own son did not even stay the night, for what is commonly known in chinese tradition as "sou-ye" ("guard the night"). my dad and i stayed that night.
fast forward to years later. i had a dream. basically in my dream i saw my aunt (in her regular day wear) wondering around the streets at night (amongst many other wonderers/strangers) with a big black-painted "0" ("zero") on her top-tunic. i turned around and saw a macabre scene of dazed people with same zeros painted on their tops sitting in a choo-choo-train made up of carton-boxes. and they were going around in circles, over and over again. i look back at my aunt, who had since passed me and kept on wondering aimless around. reaching out to her, i woke up.
my personal thoughts/dream-explanation:
she is trapped in limbo. in-between worlds. be it divine or anywhere. to me; becoz she was not in the right state of mind (if at all) to have accepted her baptism and of "another" godly-being into her 81-years of joss-stick-praying-life. clarity is important when you embrace god (whomever he/she may be) IMHO. be it whatever well-meaning reasons, my dear aunt was trapped, forever to roam the empty streets of limbo, never be able to be where she was supposed to be.
this angers me so, if this were the truth. (i dare not claim to know the absolute truth and this is all just my own personal interpretation and thoughts) and it still does. or mayhap you would say; "tis only just a dream lah" ... maybe it was. but what if it wasn't? and by sharing this dream of mine have i exposed any divine secrets im not supposed to? will i be damned? i care not, for my aunt is trapped in limbo now. then who can help her, if that were the case?
religion (whatever the denomination/ different beliefs) is not only just a blessing and/or a privilage. it is also a responsibility. one should care to acknowledge and understand that and thread carefully when it comes to a person's life. or death. IMHO.
i had an aunt who had passed away years ago.
she had passed away when i was 18 years old. prior to her death, she had lived with my family and taken care of my dad even since he was a young'un as well as when i was a wee lad til near her death. more than a decade with us. she was 81 when she passed on.
understand that she had lit joss-sticks and prayed to her ancestors her entire life. she spoke only teochew. and she was as healthy as any old person can be. healthy lifestyle and eating habits. she never smoked. she never drank alcohol (well, maybe she did when she was younger, i wouldn't know). know that she loved us all and we in turned loved her like our own.
a coupla months before her death, her naturalborn-son decided it was time to bring her back to his own home. to cut a long drama story short, within the last months while she was with his all-christian family, she had fallen twice. and the 2nd time it was a bad one and she was hospitalized and critical.
one early morning i had awoken (didnt know why i woke up so early too) and found my parents coming back home. my aunt had passed away, they explained with halting choking words. this was the first time i've ever seen my parent's tears flowed so freely.
the next thing i knew, we were at a christian wake / funeral. i was shocked. hymns were sung by total strangers (to us) and a pastor who spoke of my aunt as if she knew her that well. i was indeed very shocked. but soon, that shock would turn into anger.
apparently, my aunt was baptised on her deathbed by her son and grandchildren. my parents had only known about it much later. imagine this, a sickly old woman near death and she agrees knowingly and with clarity to be baptised?
that night, her own son did not even stay the night, for what is commonly known in chinese tradition as "sou-ye" ("guard the night"). my dad and i stayed that night.
fast forward to years later. i had a dream. basically in my dream i saw my aunt (in her regular day wear) wondering around the streets at night (amongst many other wonderers/strangers) with a big black-painted "0" ("zero") on her top-tunic. i turned around and saw a macabre scene of dazed people with same zeros painted on their tops sitting in a choo-choo-train made up of carton-boxes. and they were going around in circles, over and over again. i look back at my aunt, who had since passed me and kept on wondering aimless around. reaching out to her, i woke up.
my personal thoughts/dream-explanation:
she is trapped in limbo. in-between worlds. be it divine or anywhere. to me; becoz she was not in the right state of mind (if at all) to have accepted her baptism and of "another" godly-being into her 81-years of joss-stick-praying-life. clarity is important when you embrace god (whomever he/she may be) IMHO. be it whatever well-meaning reasons, my dear aunt was trapped, forever to roam the empty streets of limbo, never be able to be where she was supposed to be.
this angers me so, if this were the truth. (i dare not claim to know the absolute truth and this is all just my own personal interpretation and thoughts) and it still does. or mayhap you would say; "tis only just a dream lah" ... maybe it was. but what if it wasn't? and by sharing this dream of mine have i exposed any divine secrets im not supposed to? will i be damned? i care not, for my aunt is trapped in limbo now. then who can help her, if that were the case?
religion (whatever the denomination/ different beliefs) is not only just a blessing and/or a privilage. it is also a responsibility. one should care to acknowledge and understand that and thread carefully when it comes to a person's life. or death. IMHO.
