> declaration

i hereby declare i am not going to leave any more messages / comments behind on bloggers' sites

(unless i already "know" them, and them - me)


i know it sounds childish, but like i give a flyingfcuk, innit? HAH!

i find it irritating (but also freeking hilarious) that instead of the host/hostess of the site replying, tis his/her croonies blog-frens that replies instead? heh. reminds me of forum-boards, but tis cool ... *grumble-grumble-natter-natter* ... heh ;p

and yes, im a chicken shy "commentator" lah ... i admit it, okay? (i've said it already, so i double-confirm-chopstamp-guarantee-insured) ... again with deleting entire comments; just prior to clicking the "publish post"-button ... i give up dey! (pulling chicken feathers out of mouth) ... within my own domain i shall remain sheltered from the big bad world of blogging ... (actually not "bad" lah, i just "shy" hurhurhur) ... i sound like a fcuking infantile-blog-bimbo lah ... nahbey ... whatevah lah ~ horkay? ;p

... and on a somewhat related-ish-blog subject:

wrote in another frens' blog just; about her indecision to stop blogging, for which i cameup with:

ask yourself: "has blogging improved the quality of your life ever since you started?"


so it's only fair i ask myself the same:

what has blogging done for me?

discovering an avenue for a release for my mindfcuks
(be it a cry-for-help, a desperate plea to be heard or a narcissistic+exhibitionistic-wetdream fulfilment attempt)

rediscovering the enjoyment of "writing".
(regardless of my lack of command for the language and vocab-limitations *blergh* ~ often might be mistaken for the abovementioned)

discovering not many peeps give a flyingfcuk and probably never will.
(and for those who "do"; all 3 of you, my thanx from the bottom of my hollowed-heart)

discovering im not the only one with issues in the world.
(this is a token remark. i am the only truly misunderstood S.O.B. in this world ~ HAH!)

sidetracked:
if ya talk about "baggage", then im the clueless-dude standing infront of the airport conveyer-belt wondering which of the blardy luggage im supposed to pickup first ... when i should be just walking out of the departure gates empty handed ... easier said then done boyos ... for in the end, we might even endup carrying other peep's luggage, innit? *BAH* ;p


discovering my life ain't that shitte after 35+years.
(and that it sure ain't that shitte-hot-great too either. heh)

discovering i dun need any one's validation of my blog, except for myself.
(dun need to be told i write well or worth anybody's time to read ~ who died and put YOU in charge?)

.... but of coz, also knowing that whatever the above "declarations" are but a "token gesture", mayhaps for the sake of a blog-entry? fact or fiction? the beauty of a blog being ~ you would not know for sure, innit? not 100% anyways ... ya think? ;p


and knowing that for full fact, i am a media-whore. and acknowledge the fact that the main reason why i haven't whored myself thus far (if i ever will), is becoz of the fear of affecting a certain someone (whom most of my initial blog-entries are in reference to her) if anyone we knows "us"; reads these (and no, im not claiming to be "noble" or anything bogus like that) ... but situations have changed recently and all that no longer matters, at least not for me ... so how like that? whore myself outright? ... can i even do that?

tis the same parallel as my worklife/career, innit? i didn't *Qiao1 Luo2 Tah2 Gu3* about me leaving my job last november and of me entering the freelance-market = hence inviting jobs to come my way? ... but instead; industry peeps still think im WITH the company! even until NOW? wah? but i blame no one except myself, coz if anything, you should take care of your own "public relations", innit?

and yet, i can't even leave a half-coherent comment on other blogs ... (much less do a coherent entry on my own blog ahahahaha *PUI*)

and i guess i chose not to *hammer-gongs+hit-drums* becoz i wanted to chill and relax without peeps calling me up for work ... and it sorta worked and not worked as well ... for im getting the shitte-assed jobs while the gems slip away from my grasp hahahaha ... whatevah lah har? nahbey ...

and with that, i leave something here (which im sure has already hit the "blogosphere" [i hate that term] sometime back already ... i think ...) which i just ripped off lifted from this blog:


WHY I DONT BOTHER ANYMORE:

Blogging 101 - You Don't Need a Blog

A few weeks ago, my partner QBlog wrote about blogging Rule #1: Don't Suck. Sage advice indeed, but the truth is no matter how hard you try, your blog will suck. It will be unbelievably, mind-numbingly bad. You won't post often enough to keep people coming back, and you'll be mad at yourself. You won't get any comments, and you'll feel like a loser. Then you'll abandon your blog, and the internet will be littered with yet another carcass with six meaningless posts, four of which are apologies for not posting often enough. There are 12,000 new weblogs created every day, and 11,999 of them suck, including yours. So don't even try. Do the internet a favor, and don't clog it up with your "ramblings," "musings," or "random thoughts" in a blog. There are better places for it.

But I just want to speak my mind, you say. Great. Don't do it in a blog. Speak your mind to your friends, your family, your co-workers, or your classmates. If you're angry or excited about something, tell them about it, and get them angry and excited too. Don't waste your time hoping some intrepid, like-minded soul will stumble upon your sad, default-Blogger-templated website. After the initial delusion that everyone from Finland to New Zealand will care about exactly how you feel about Donald Rumsfeld wears off, you'll realize that you're talking to yourself. And you'll be more frustrated than if you hadn't started the damn blog in the first place. So turn off the computer and get out of the house. It's liberating.

But my family and friends don't want to talk about this stuff with me, you say. There's probably a reason for that. You're either A) boring or B) an obnoxious blowhard. Either way, take the social cues from your friends and keep it to yourself. You'll be doing all of us a favor. Remember that guy at your office, the one you can't stand because he's such a know-it-all and won't shut up? Don't be that guy.

But I want meet new people with the same interests, you say. Bravo. Allow me to introduce you to the humble discussion group, otherwise known as a message board, a forum, or an email message sent to more than one person at a time. With four million other blogs to contend with, hardly anyone will be able to find yours, let alone feel compelled to comment on it. That endless succession of "Comments (0)" you'll see after every post will demoralize you to the point that you'll consider leaving the spam comments around just to boost your numbers. So instead of setting yourself up for failure, seek out these other wonderful people, in a place like Slashdot, Kuro5hin, or a Yahoo group, where all the technical bits are taken care of, where the discussion is lively, and where chances are someone will respond to you within five minutes of pressing "Send."

But I don't want to meet other people, I just want a place to record my thoughts, you say. Awesome. Instead of spending $29.95 a month for broadband, $14.99 a month for web hosting, and $69.95 for a copy of Movable Type, take $1.50 and buy a notebook and a pen. They're age-old tools for creating what you really need: a journal. Let's say you're really pissed about what your boss said to you one day, or you secretly think your boyfriend is cheating on you. Are you going to write about that on the public web? Probably not. Every blogger self-censors no matter how tough they talk. So spend some time really getting things off your chest in a good old diary. Trust me, you'll feel better in the long run.

We can't all be so lucky to write for a quality publication like this one. So seriously, don't even try. A blog isn't the right answer for most of the reasons people think they need one. But you don't need one. Your energy is better spent conversing with real people, not hoping to be the one voice heard in the middle of a riot.
- By Matt Wood


i think this is hilarious! take it as a *nudge~wink* or a tight slap to thy face ~ i care not hahaha and i love it so. feel the pain to know you're alive and muthafcuking kickin' and know that life is beyond the written page, cyber, paper, or otherwise ... or is it?

time to get out of the house, if only to accompany my dad to the hospital for his checkup.

cheers
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