> fizzle
birds chirping outside my window, the air cool from the rain that may have happened while i slept. the traffic a surprising gentle hum. dad's playing solitare as usual in the living room and the cat's meowing gently at me; as if trying to tell me something ... a seeming serenity greeted me as i awoke this wednesday morn, barely before 11am and i am strangely overwhelmed by it all ...
mayhap it had to do with the night prior. after a hearty round of vegetarian-beehoon for dinner (for $2, the best is to be bot from Pasir Ris 24hr kopi-tiam!) i sat watching this korean drama (which i still dunno the name of - except its on korean airstewardesses. heh) and i found myself stuck in that seat for near 2hours. not just coz i was riveted to that show, or even the slapstick but thoroughly enjoyable "cupid game show" with channel U's Kim Ng and Quan YiFeng (exceptional spontenous entertainment as only the hosts and channel U can deliver!) ... t'was becoz i had felt dizzy all of a sudden then and i couldn't get up from where i sat. i had to stumble into my room to get my pills and struggled to gulp it down. tho "nothing was spinning", but the feeling as if my brain "couldn't breathe". mayhap all the blood rushed down to me growling tummy to combat the hunger and gastric lah, i surmise ... an uneventful lunch prior (becoz it was oily and spicy and im trying to eat well now *PUI*) and hence the internal body probs ... *sigh* ... yes, even more excuses i give myself ... heh. all this is starting to worry me some and its slowly fcuking irritating me, but i must remember: zen~orhmmmmmmmmmmm ... and i turned-in to an "early night" for hopefully a good rest and to prep myself for the next day's work.
sitting in front of the Mac now (duh) as i go thru my shoot and edit scripts, i still feel a sense of "light-headedness"; like "im not all here", ya know? and hence this entry ... and a realization that tis also become an online~diary of mine and that personnally i'd throw "the definition of what is a blog" out the blardy window, becoz i dun need to justify what all this is anyways and that i shall type whatever i want whenever i want it. not that i needed to justify ANYTHING to ANYONE in the first place, innit? ... but yeah; whatever ... heh ;p
which also brings to mind another realization (that sounds like bad english innit? bah) that my blog title: "this is an angryblog by an angryman" = might be made redundant sooner than i think; as i am physically and mentally trying to attain a renewed (if ever had ... HAH) sense of serenity and calm, in lieu of my highbloodissues = that i shouldn't remain "angry" for too long or if at all! low stress = better recovery (HAH!) *blergh* or at least im trying lor ... am reminded that onshoot yesterday, my presenter (bless her kind soul) had commented that i shouldn't pentup my anger, which seemed surprising to me, coz i was trying very hard not to BE angry (since im the director in this gig and i just can't jollywell blow my top as and when, innit? gotta keep the shoot together as calm as i possibly can, innit? BAH :p). and that i had referred to one of the dudes on set (who used to work for me in my art department) to "validate" me in the sense that i am more "calm" and "mellowed" now than i was barely a year ago; when he worked with me! hahahahaha which was of coz all true what! (heheheh - i say one) but mayhaps, i am still in the end, a painfully obvious person to read and that my anger issues still remain even if i dun acknowledge them ... and peeps who actually bother; CAN SEE.
and perhaps i could/should/would find "alternative ways" to "tackle" my anger issues! HAH = and hence this lil nugget from days' past:
>>> GO AND VENT HERE
weirdly satisfying this muahahahahahaha >;p
this extremely good for office viewing, only if your boss is not standing behind you nyaknyaknyak
so maybe the blog title might remain for a while; as any thots of changing it is put aside and i'll let "human nature" takes it's perverted (in my case?) course ... tho as oft said (and claimed by meself): anger is me, i sure dun need anger to be the death of me, innit? heh :p
added at 12noon
the chirpingbirds have since been replaced by screamingcrying kids sobbing their lil-lungs out, a muthafcuker car-alarm's blarring in the near distance and the cat tried to scratch me. fcuklah, can't i EVEN HAVE A FCUKING BREAK? ... the angryman is here to stay ... "zen" = my ass! someone pass me a shotgun ... basturds all ... *mumble-mumble* >:@
mayhap it had to do with the night prior. after a hearty round of vegetarian-beehoon for dinner (for $2, the best is to be bot from Pasir Ris 24hr kopi-tiam!) i sat watching this korean drama (which i still dunno the name of - except its on korean airstewardesses. heh) and i found myself stuck in that seat for near 2hours. not just coz i was riveted to that show, or even the slapstick but thoroughly enjoyable "cupid game show" with channel U's Kim Ng and Quan YiFeng (exceptional spontenous entertainment as only the hosts and channel U can deliver!) ... t'was becoz i had felt dizzy all of a sudden then and i couldn't get up from where i sat. i had to stumble into my room to get my pills and struggled to gulp it down. tho "nothing was spinning", but the feeling as if my brain "couldn't breathe". mayhap all the blood rushed down to me growling tummy to combat the hunger and gastric lah, i surmise ... an uneventful lunch prior (becoz it was oily and spicy and im trying to eat well now *PUI*) and hence the internal body probs ... *sigh* ... yes, even more excuses i give myself ... heh. all this is starting to worry me some and its slowly fcuking irritating me, but i must remember: zen~orhmmmmmmmmmmm ... and i turned-in to an "early night" for hopefully a good rest and to prep myself for the next day's work.
sitting in front of the Mac now (duh) as i go thru my shoot and edit scripts, i still feel a sense of "light-headedness"; like "im not all here", ya know? and hence this entry ... and a realization that tis also become an online~diary of mine and that personnally i'd throw "the definition of what is a blog" out the blardy window, becoz i dun need to justify what all this is anyways and that i shall type whatever i want whenever i want it. not that i needed to justify ANYTHING to ANYONE in the first place, innit? ... but yeah; whatever ... heh ;p
which also brings to mind another realization (that sounds like bad english innit? bah) that my blog title: "this is an angryblog by an angryman" = might be made redundant sooner than i think; as i am physically and mentally trying to attain a renewed (if ever had ... HAH) sense of serenity and calm, in lieu of my highbloodissues = that i shouldn't remain "angry" for too long or if at all! low stress = better recovery (HAH!) *blergh* or at least im trying lor ... am reminded that onshoot yesterday, my presenter (bless her kind soul) had commented that i shouldn't pentup my anger, which seemed surprising to me, coz i was trying very hard not to BE angry (since im the director in this gig and i just can't jollywell blow my top as and when, innit? gotta keep the shoot together as calm as i possibly can, innit? BAH :p). and that i had referred to one of the dudes on set (who used to work for me in my art department) to "validate" me in the sense that i am more "calm" and "mellowed" now than i was barely a year ago; when he worked with me! hahahahaha which was of coz all true what! (heheheh - i say one) but mayhaps, i am still in the end, a painfully obvious person to read and that my anger issues still remain even if i dun acknowledge them ... and peeps who actually bother; CAN SEE.
and perhaps i could/should/would find "alternative ways" to "tackle" my anger issues! HAH = and hence this lil nugget from days' past:
>>> GO AND VENT HERE
weirdly satisfying this muahahahahahaha >;p
this extremely good for office viewing, only if your boss is not standing behind you nyaknyaknyak
so maybe the blog title might remain for a while; as any thots of changing it is put aside and i'll let "human nature" takes it's perverted (in my case?) course ... tho as oft said (and claimed by meself): anger is me, i sure dun need anger to be the death of me, innit? heh :p
added at 12noon
the chirpingbirds have since been replaced by screamingcrying kids sobbing their lil-lungs out, a muthafcuker car-alarm's blarring in the near distance and the cat tried to scratch me. fcuklah, can't i EVEN HAVE A FCUKING BREAK? ... the angryman is here to stay ... "zen" = my ass! someone pass me a shotgun ... basturds all ... *mumble-mumble* >:@
