> dimmed survival
715pm. head buzzing from nicotine-overdose and 2 coffees in a day (which ain't exactly much, i know). feets sore from a minor location recce, not to mention an early-ass-morning wake-up. heart pounding exceptionally fast, probably becoz of the news of the postponement of my shoot (at least one of them) ... and here i sit in my room with the fast-diminishing daylight peering in from the window, as i ponder what lies ahead for me ... which is a bit of a cockedass-feeling, becoz the tangible things are obvious and there are tasks ahead, regardless of the circumstance and timeline, but somehow my bugbear comes back to haunt me ... and the twitch that doesn't go away, gnaws at me heels yet again, drawing minor blood ... to do or not to do? and things that should've been clockwork by now, has hit a snag ... i am lost again ... fcuk ...
oh sure; "take a break and come back to it with fresh eyes" ... or "do something else instead to take your mind off things", or even "dun even think about it until it's time to" ... but alas, my fetid-mind doesn't work that way (most times anyways) ... gotta solve the problems, so i can go sleep well at night ... if not, it'll only grind around to a blardy-pulp; infinitum - until it's done or solved, which most times gets me running around in blardy circles, innit? and gawd knows how my health is these days, both mental and physical ... so what to do? stand at one spot and spin around? dammit, im sure as fcuk's getting dizzy here, innit? one way or another, something needs to be done about it ... and all i wanna do is ... nothing.
one thing pops into mind: "fuck survival"
as sure as a child throwing a tantrum, i wanna shout and whine: "why the fcuk do i haveta work? whyWhyWHY?" ... but of coz it'll just be another monologue and a spew unto the cyberways, for all and sundry, but fcuk it lah, i just wanna be a "bum" and have money rain down on me muahahahahahaha lazyassfcuk that i am now ... i have seen the light, and it is dimmed ... heh ;p
tho dimmed for sleep preparation?
or dimmed for a "romantic interlude"?
or basically dimmed becoz i refuse to open my eyes fully ...
sure as heck as hope i ain't dim-witted, innit? ... hhhmmm ...
BAH :p
oh sure; "take a break and come back to it with fresh eyes" ... or "do something else instead to take your mind off things", or even "dun even think about it until it's time to" ... but alas, my fetid-mind doesn't work that way (most times anyways) ... gotta solve the problems, so i can go sleep well at night ... if not, it'll only grind around to a blardy-pulp; infinitum - until it's done or solved, which most times gets me running around in blardy circles, innit? and gawd knows how my health is these days, both mental and physical ... so what to do? stand at one spot and spin around? dammit, im sure as fcuk's getting dizzy here, innit? one way or another, something needs to be done about it ... and all i wanna do is ... nothing.
one thing pops into mind: "fuck survival"as sure as a child throwing a tantrum, i wanna shout and whine: "why the fcuk do i haveta work? whyWhyWHY?" ... but of coz it'll just be another monologue and a spew unto the cyberways, for all and sundry, but fcuk it lah, i just wanna be a "bum" and have money rain down on me muahahahahahaha lazyassfcuk that i am now ... i have seen the light, and it is dimmed ... heh ;p
tho dimmed for sleep preparation?
or dimmed for a "romantic interlude"?
or basically dimmed becoz i refuse to open my eyes fully ...
sure as heck as hope i ain't dim-witted, innit? ... hhhmmm ...
BAH :p
