the boys: the movie? (warning: coarse language)

WARNING: this post is going to be pretty darn potty-mouthed and may even make you go crying to your mommy's bosoms, or perhaps necessitate an unexplainable desire to scrub your brains out with unidentified cleaning-liguids afters, i kid nor tease nor taunt you not ... so CLICK TO READ at your own risk and with fair warning: COARSE LANGUAGE AHEAD - not necessarily for any and/or all ages, and don't be knocking on my cyber-doors laterz asking for redemption or for your innocence back. YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED.

when i read (on Variety) that the rights to Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson's "The Boys" comic has been acquired by Columbia Pictures and may possibly be developed into a feature film adaptation, i was left quite agog, truth be told ... effin "horrified" more like, as mild as my temperance takes me - becoz if the resultant product isn't downright clear-cut rated-R, then it may not be worth the time of day, at least for me (*cough*) and frankly with the recent muddied track-record, i really do not have much faith at all in the Hollywood-film-mill (of late), to faithfully adapt the original source, without ripping it's guts out and making a flaccid mockery out of it, IMHO (for shure there's always "heart", fer effin-shure) - but hey, for sure i too am one of the nameless drones who "enjoy" the candy-flicks at the end of the day, no doubt, and enjoy them i do! ... but it may not mean i beat my chest over it's exhalted mind-boggling gorgesity, innit? ... feel that double-edged sword you're sitting on cutting into thy cheeks yet?

for sure there have been a few faint triumphs, but then again, the source material is/was/has-to-be decidedly more malleable, innit? Wayne retains his "edginess" while wearing a bat-suit ... Clark does "The-OC-in-the-Sky" with Lois, and not forgetting his kryptonian-slash-human-hybrid spermlovechild ... don't get me started on the soap-opera dismality of the X-Men (or should i dub thee "W-Men"? - "W" for "Whine", mind) ... the insulting afternoon-sitcom of F4 ... and my personal-chip-on-the-shoulder, the waterfall-downed; Wanted. nuff said. yes, im waiting to be proven wrong and i have no compunction to admit im wrong if im proven wrong. flexible's my maiden-middle name. but no, i will not bend forward down for you.

for sure there are plenty of triumphant and success celluloid-stories ... but this post isn't about them. so spare me the grief to reply. (you may post, but i needn't publish them, yeh?)
Columbia Pictures has acquired the rights to indie comicbook "The Boys" and will develop a feature adaptation along with producer Neal H. Moritz and his Sony-based Original Film banner.

Created by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson, the contemporary-set comicbook series follows a CIA squad, known informally as "the boys," whose job is to keep watch on the proliferation of superheroes and, if necessary, intimidate or eliminate them.

Moritz characterized the series as an original take on the superhero genre. "Rather than begin with a romantic idea of superheroes out to save the world, 'The Boys' imagines a world in which superheroes really exist, with all of the flaws that real people have," he said. "The boys are there to make sure that people with superhuman powers don't get out of line."
[more via]

i've actually attempted (for the past 2 days - which is too long ever for any post, as an average gauge) to list the ways and story-points in which a celluloid-manifestation of the comicbook core story of THE BOYS (with it's frills, oh it's glorious potty-mouth filth-laden-frills) would be hard to sustain, much less replicate (notice i didn't mention "adapt" - which currently is a 'filthy' word in this instance, and not in a good way - it just means using a different universal-adaptor that you're gonna shove it in anyways) in a form of narrative film, without sacrificing the meat and bones of the source material ... and you know what? i gave up trying to verbalize the story here (which makes this post near pointless, as i am prone to admit - hence the disclaimer) - and if you have actually read the books yourselves, you may perhaps understand my "apprehension", to say the least ... and no, you do not have to agree (and no i don't care that you don't). i vent, you read. in certain dank corners of the world, life is fair :)

Ennis mentioned he'd set out to "Out-Preacher"; PREACHER with this story, and by gawds he did so with this. understand to a certain warped-degree, perhaps i have been desensitized thus far in my adult-years, to any shlock-shock or purile-twists to challenge conventional-thinking or mortal habits. ("desensitized" doesn't mean "living it", mind) - "political-correctness" be damned to Hades - and hence enjoy The Boys for what it is, and not "what it could be interpreted by society's norms" ... and Dynamite Entertainment's currently shouldering the ball-breaker. kudos to them.

THE BOYS is a rip-effin-roaring-hilarious parody of comicbook superheroes, with decidedly recognizable current characters and teams. and plenty of amalgams too. and comicbook-carnal sex. unnatural sex. wadloads of sex, but never safe sex. and there's blood-letting too. and with language so witty and coarse, a cliched-sailor would blush til tis cheeks explode in spontaneous-combustion (or maybe im less tolerant?) ... okay, i lie exaggerate. not rip-roaring (becoz rippin'-roars are nigh prone to be forgettable) - but perhaps a very firm, stifled guffaw ... or mayhap even a razor-edged playful-nudge ... a restrained snicker, tongue-thoroughly-in-butt-cheeks. and that folks, is comedy gold, IMWW. (*In-My-Warped-World*)

altho, be not mistaken - for im not claiming tis front-to-back-cover salacious-sex and debauchery, no. there are moments of abject clarity, heartwarmingly human emotional turmoil(s), mostly experienced by the newbie-initate "Wee Hughie" (and they are right tender moments too) ... offered too is perhaps humanity's flailing grasp at what is percieved as "reality", reflected back thru a cracked mirror? :p

"The Boys" are essentially a superpowered CIA squad, whose job it is to keep watch on superheroes and, if necessary, intimidate or kill them. simple enough a premise, innit? led by the quasi-charismatic Billy Butcher, Hugh Campbell (aka "Wee Hughie" - the stories unfold thru his eyes), Mother's Milk (2nd in command), The Frenchman and The Female (both "muscle" of the group, who enjoys games like reverse-strip poker and snowball fights) = a doable premise, inclusive of vulgarity and charm.

aaaahhhh but tis the ones with the super-powers and the situations they are in, that may prove a "challenge" ... some character sampling:

Tek Knight is an amalgam of both Bat and Iron Men, and unfortunately for his hero-career (and heterosexual orientation), he's developed a taste for screwing anything with a hole (cat, hole on the wall, vehicle tailpipe, butler's ear - etc)

The Homelander is both Kent and Rogers in-one, but with all the bad bits ... dressed in Blue+Red+Stars, The Homelander's idea of an initiation for a spanking new (pardon the pun) Super-heroine on the team (a conservative Christian lady codenamed Starlight), is for her to perform oral sex on him (and a coupla other fellow male team-mates) in their Super-team conference room, based in the clouds..

altho i seriously doubt if they'd go by way of Teenage-Kix (altho it would be a "kick" tho - daymn im on a roll here) - a mixed group of super-powered teenagers, mimicking the cliched emo-teen habits of the iPod-generation ... i mean, the bisexuality, the self-mutilation, the drug-addiction, the perversity pales in comparison to their "victory celebration"-antics (room-to-room-sex, where each time someone shouts "change", they change rooms and partners/prostitues) ... and i seriously doubt the part where the prostitutes had to snort blue-crack in the kitchen; to dull their senses, as super-powered individuals copulate differently - would possibly get past the written page [all wikied for your reading pleasure] ...

... ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of The Boys. it ain't exactly the best (it's "one of") out there in comicbook fandom, but i like it, i really do.

of coz i have taken the extreme stance, and am totally biased to my own interpretation of the source material, without any benefit of reference to what the powers-that-be intend for the product. and no, i dare not prophetize that the final product will "rape my childhood" (as did many unfortunate adult males has had experienced with Michael Bay's Transformers) and any other such ludicrous claims, no i dare not ... no, for this, i expect to be "mind-raped-molested" (for lack of a better term, and there are plentiful of those, i know) by The Boys: The Movie - if it ever makes it to the screen, of coz :)

... i just had a comicbook-epiphany - it's going to be an "A-Team meets Men-In-Black to monitor Superheroes in the world of Heroes". frak me.

... i would like to apologize to anyone if i've made uncomfortable reading this post ... but i won't. i warned you before, didn't i? now stop crying and maybe you'll get a lolly laterz, okay? ... maybe ...

meanwhile, preview pages of The Boys Issues#7-15 can be found on [all comic-pages via]


Lee said…
There's no way they could make this movie faithful to the book. What hollywood studio would have the balls to show the antics from the 1st few issues of the boys? (The teen supers and their drug induced orgy involving blood, sex and homoerotic insanity.)

You should show some of those pages to give readers the real sick pleasures of the Boys. The comic is one of my favs and is always outdoing itself. Its a shame it had to move to Dynamite but the fact that is still being published is great.

Highly doubt they can transfer the "magic" of the book onto film. But here's hoping.

One plus though, Simon Pegg has already shown interest in the book (wrote an intro in the 1st TPB) so its almost a shoe in that he'd be up for the role of Hughie.