> wanna buy some chocolates?

hands in a fist gripped tight, foaming from the edge of my cracked lips, eyes bloodshot veins popping ... this would've been the gist of my entry here (and a long one t'would've been too), for today had been a truly mindfcukedup day ... but i've decided to let it all dissipate awaaaaayyyy, trying to let it all goooooo ...

... holding in/onto anger is a very tiring thing and it takes muchmore effort than anyone thinks ...
and of coz, a great deal of the anger i had today; was to do with money. or rather the relentless pursuit of it; that astounds me beyond measure - but that's another story for another day (heck, tis supposed to have dissipated awaaaaaayyyyy..... dammit! ) anyways, coupled wif reading a dude's journo-entry somewhere else about his encounter with fake-O-"charity" salesmen wif their con-lines and tactics (sorry no link) ... ya know the sort who stops you in the middle of your path and asks for 5minutes of your time yaddayaddayadda? (i just tell them im unemployed. HAH) then tries to sell you sumthing ridiculous, but "tis for the sake of charity"? yaddayyaddayadda = brings to mind a distant memory i had long forgotten ... "my first ever job".


t'was during a week's school holiday in the midst of my secondary 1 fiasco life, a friend and i actually answered an ad in the Bookworm Club Magazine (anyone remember those? or am i the only old fogey here? fcuk) asking for Junior Bookworm Club Members (or sumthing like dat, fcuked if i could remember WTF it was, innit? fcuking longtime ago leh! anyways...) for a holiday-temp-job. i was reading bookwormclubcomics superhero-comics then, and thought it would be great to earn extra $$$ and buy more comics, innit? so off we trotted to the office-address stated in the mag ... i remember it was a saturday morning ...

upon sitting down infront of the rep (he was a young guy, early 20's maybe?), he riddled us our "qualifications" and "experience" in "sales" = like WTF? i berry toot* (meaning stoopid, no streetsmarts) then one, so got no experience at all lor ... and of our "loyalty" to the Bookworm Club ??? (like cult like that sial!). my fren, Ramana (my bestest indian friend then) actually had done "sales" before (or so he bullshitted said), so he was made the team leader (there were 2 of us only dey) and since i had no experience whatsoever, i was to be paid "lesser" ... "be paid to do what?" i asked ... thinking it was to sell bookwormclub magazines to friends in school etc... ...

man went behind his table and pulled out a brown unmarked carton box from under it. he opened it up and said: "sell these lor!"

... the box was filled with Van Houten Chocolate Bars ... different sizes and flavours
"for each chocolate bar sold, you will receive a commission between 20-50cents, depending on the cost of each bar. the more you sell, the more you'll earn, right? EVERYBODY loves to eat chocolate, right? dun YOU like to eat chocolate?" ~ exclaimed the bookworm-man behind the desk ... thinking about now, i would've loved to ask the bookworm~man if he'd liked to eat SHIT instead .. but alas, a toot boy was i and i nodded my head ...

"take this bunch first, okay? see how much you both can sell first okay? then come back for more ... saturday got lottsa students around Cathay, sure can make money one! but must work hard ah?" - bookworm~man spoke very loud and confidently this time ...

suddenly remembered WHERE the bookwormclub office was! = around the current Paradiz Centre/Peace Centre ... becoz Cathay cinema was just around the corner ...YES, it was that long ago ... *blergh* ... anyways ...
"but first, you both have to give me $10" - said the by-then-not-so-loud bookworm-man, turning away as he whispered spoke.

huh? why? thought this two foolish foolish boys ...
"that's the cost of the chocolates what! what if you ran away with the free chocolates how?" - bookworm-man actually made sum sense ... or so we thought lah ... and we both combined our "lunch money" and gave bookworm-man our $10. the speed in which he put it in his frontshirt-pocket was actually quite amazing. but i digress ...

and off we go to be the pilot of our own destinies! to be our own bosses! ... actually just to go sell chocolates to strangers lah ... nahbey ... and we didn't know HOW to (we both shy and quiet bookworm-types one, ya know?). we decided just to ask whomever we can come across as we walked toward Plaza Singapura ... and of coz no one would stop or even buy from us ... why buy chocolates from strangekids off the streets? yes, we were decently dressed (saturday what) but we had no reason to sell the chocolates. people had no reason to buy any.

tis not like street-selling now, as everything's a "charity" in some excuse reason, "justified"-form or another and hence lies tugs harder at the heartstrings, innit?
so back to two boys with chocs to sell but wif no reason to .... then it began to pour drizzle ... and as we ran for shelter, i fell into a shallow puddle of water by the roadcurb (i always seem to be falling when i was younger... so much so, even now i always "picture" myself falling down, as i walk or run ...hhmmm... anyways...). the red plastic bag of chocs in my hands scattered across the wet tarmac. fcuk. quickly recovering and picking up all the choc-bars, we ran to shelter in a sweetshop near Cathay. (the current barren plot of land between the under-reno-cathay-cinema and paradiz centre used to be filled with shophouses, selling books, sweets to fishes etc...) cold and feeling a bit hungry, both of us sat in the corner and tried to dry and clean the chocs which had fallen from the plastic bag ... how to sell like that? ...

the rain had stopped by noon. 3 hours had gone by and we sold nothing. we were hungry, but realizing fast that our lunch money was with bookwormbasturd-man, we were fcuked. with our combined coins, we were able to get and share a currypuff, a chicken-bun and a packet of soyabean-milk ... the funny thing was, i remembered t'was quite a "challenge" then, like we were actually "in the working-life, suffering and all", ya know? romantic-BULLSHITTE was what it was, innit? HAH ... but back then, t'was something we had wanted to prove ourselves in ... and we would not budge until we sold EVERY SINGLE ONE of those yummy Van Houten chocs! *burp*

and by the end of 5pm, we actually sold a coupla bars (actually we bumped into frens and begged asked them to help us lah) and by then we decided that this was not to be our line of work. it wasn't us, it was the product. heh (yes, the idiocy foolishness of youth) and off we stomped back to the bookwormoffice ...

bookworm-man was not impressed. he bragged he sold more when he was at our age and much faster too (KAOZ, wanna bluff smallkids ah! nahbey). it didn't matter to us by then lah, just wanna take our money back and go home, washup and to eat a proper meal lor ... bookworm-man took the money for the chocs we sold and counted the left-over bars ... "eh! how come the chocs look so dirty ah? what happened? and you are short one chocolate bar ... where's the rest of the money?"

huh? short. one. bar?
and it had to be the expensive one too, like $5 like that ... both of us checked the soiled plasticbag and our crumpled-checklist = yes, we were missing that expensive bar! but we never sell what! we never even ate it! ~ a deaf ear the bookworm-man turned ... "doesn't matter if you sold it. doesn't matter if you both ate it - just pay me the money and never come back again, you little thieves!"

... *speechless* ...
and in the end, the $5 was deducted from the $10 we gave him earlier on in the day. and our "commission" was deducted becoz we dirtied the rest of the chocolate bars, and we walked away with $2.50 each lesser ... we walked away in shame ... and as we walked back to our bustop in defeated-silence, back via the route we had earlier walked from; i saw in the corner of my eye, what seemed like a Van Houten wrapper on the floor ... rushing to it and picking it up, i realized it was the expensive-choco-bar we had just paid for! it must have fell out of the plastic bag when i fell earlier! ... but both of us never noticed it and by then had been stepped-on and rained-upon ... so even if we paid for it, we couldn't eat it! ... nahbey ...

the agony and anger of being accused of something i didn't do and the pain of seeing our carelessness in our hands, made me an older and slightly wiser young boy that day.
and after that, no more "nonsense"-sales-jobs for me, i swore. i'd work for whatever i can see the tangible result. and there will never be accusations and/or recriminations EVER AGAIN.


3+ years later, after my 'O'Levels, i took on a job as Kitchen Staff at Milano's Pizza, at the Watten Estate branch; for which i always tell people that THAT was my first ever JOB ... and t'was a good job too! earned what i put in. learnt how to "cook" (and loving it still all these years) and even gotten hookedup with my first ever girlfriend! heh ... but the lessons learnt from the bookwormchoco-incident hadn't left me ... even til now ... altho sometimes i might fall lapse, i'd still remember the feeling of indignity i felt then and i know i would never let this ever happen to me again ...

of coz the irony is, im current sitting on me own unemployed-arse, wallowing in me own mindfcuk, innit? ... heh ... and the next tangible course of action? to sell my toys, online and/or otherwise! ... which is truly ironic, coz im back to me "salesman-days"! HAH!

the vicious cycle we're a run~run~running; is ever finite, innit?
Points To Note:
(1) dun use red plastic bags to carry goods.
(2) dun run when raining. dun fall, too.
(3) keep aside enough money for meals.
(4) smile and be courteous.

"hello? would you liketa buy some toys?"

*blergh*